Being the badass that I am, it's only natural that I'm all tatted up.*

*By "badass" I mean the kind of person that avoids confrontation at all costs. And by "all tatted up" I mean I have two tattoos, each barely bigger than the size of a quarter.

In the "after picture" I recently posted, someone noticed the top of one of my tattoos and asked if it was a cat. No, it isn't (thank goodness) but it's something pretty similarly cheesy: a butterfly. Here's a photo of it ... keep in mind that it's blurry because I took it myself and, well, have you ever tried to take a pic of your own boob with a phone?

... Don't answer that.

I have several problems with this tattoo. Number one, it's a damn butterfly, which is about the most generic ink you can possibly get. It means nothing significant to me, I just chose it out of the big book at the tattoo place because I thought it looked neat. I got this tattoo when I was sixteen and I thought it'd be cool to be able to show my boob a little bit.

... I know. Don't judge.

The second problem is that at least part of it shows whenever I wear something even a teeny bit low-cut. That was cool when I was an unruly boob-flashing teenager; not so much when I had to make sure my wedding dress was high enough to conceal it, or when I want to wear a V-neck to my husband's company dinner, or things like that. I mean, there are times when I don't mind showing it, and times when I do. The older I get, it seems the more I mind.

And that's probably due to the third and biggest problem. When I got the tattoo, I barely even had any boobage, so the butterfly was in perfect shape. But now, after three children, breastfeeding, years of cheap unsupportive bras, and literally hundreds of pounds lost and gained? Yeah. My once-cute little butterfly is now more like a pterodactyl. I predict that by the time I'm eighty, its wingspan will reach my belly button.

My other tattoo is pretty much equally stupid. It's a shamrock on the inside of my right ankle that I got at the ripe old age of eighteen. You know, when I was a grown-up.

I got it on the inside of my ankle as opposed to the outside because it was fleshier, and I was thinking it would hurt less. The shamrock is to celebrate my Irish heritage. Which, as I found out years later while doing some genealogy research, should have been a big bratwurst or something because my heritage is far more German than Irish. It's like telling everybody your hair is blonde just because you have a few highlights. So now if anybody asks, I just say it's for good luck.

Don't get me wrong. I like tattoos. I would actually like to get another one now that I'm really, legitimately adult ... something meaningful that I won't regret, like my children's initials or something. Although I'd be hard-pressed to find a few inches of easily-concealable-yet-un-stretchmarked skin on which to put it.

I just wish my own personal tattoos were, like, different. Or something. These are things that will mark my skin for life, y'all, yet they're the kind you could get out of one of those 25-cent fake tattoo dispensing machines. They look like doodles from my high school notebook, except I doodled 'em right onto my skin. FOR-E-VER.

Oh well. At least I didn't get sleeves.


  1. I came here expecting to see legitimate cleave or something. I feel so teased. Also, I got your FB message, just shoot the post over when you're ready!

  2. I have a really fat ass and so was thinking about getting a tat of a sexy ass tattooed on my butt. Trying to creat an optical illusion here.

  3. I have a similar stupid butterfly on my shoulder...[also picked out of a tattoo binder at the ripe old age of 18]. I feel like at least I can tell my kids to wait until they're older to commit to ink and really have the experience to back it up with =]

  4. I have three. Two I designed myself and had them stuck. The third is the Chinese character for Serenity, on my left wrist. I'm thinking about #4 now that we're done having kids. I'll design that one myself, too, soon. My brother's a tattooist up in Illinois, and I let him do the serenity tat, but no more. Especially not something large.

  5. My boys love temporary tattoos and as they were lined up for them the other night, I decided I wanted one, too. It's these AWESOME flaming dice and I had hubby put them on the small of my back. That's right - I have a tramp stamp. I'm just glad it's temporary!

  6. I still love my rose tatoo after all these years, although the thigh that sports it isn't so round and firm as it once was. To me it says, "This old gal really lived, and did what she wanted to do!" ;o)

  7. I got my first tattoo last year. Its a dolphin with my kid's names in it. I love it and its so meaningful. In fact, I have plans for another one soon.

    I LOVE me some ink.

  8. I've thought about getting a tattoo but then where would I put that wouldn't get all freaky by the time I'm 50 AND what would I get? I'm glad you answered anonymous' question ;)

  9. Don't tell anyone, but I got a dollar sign (yep- this $) on my hip when I was 18. It's horrible.

  10. I'm tattoo free! I know, I'm a freak for it, but I kinda like being that freak.

  11. OH, I hate most of mine. I have, you'll never guess, a BUTTERFLY on my ankle that I got with m y sister. that oneis okay. my first one was a chinese symbol for "obstacality" ??? is that a word? It looks nice but I hate it because I am Japanese and had wanted something Japanese but they didn't have anything so I just got Chinese because I was not leaving without a tat, yo. And my last is the worst, let a friend give it to me even though he is not a professional but didn't want to punk out and I was drunk so I picked this big thick virgo sign on my ankle. It was infected for like three weeks. AWESOME! :)

  12. Love hearing tattoo regret stories, makes me feel glad that I'm a real chicken about anyone coming near me with a tattoo gun!

  13. I waited nearly 5 years once deciding I wanted a tat until the time I got one. After deciding I would do it, I had to decide what I wanted. Morgan actually made the choice for me, she suggested the Phantom of the Opera mask and rose as it means so much to both of us. Then she paid for it as a Christmas present for me. it is on the instep of my foot and I love it - six years and I still look at it every day with a smile.

    I want two more (small) but can't decide where to get them. I want them where I can see them, where they can be seen when I want and covered when I don't want .... just can't figure out where that is. I want a Tinkerbell (that can be where just the hubby sees, and I want a small dove, both are special to me in different ways. I am cautious so I don't know how long it will be before I get them.

  14. Precisely why I will NEVER get a tattoo. I was laughing at your terrydactal comment. Hilarious!

  15. Oh, I understand. When I was 18 I went out and got 2 tattoos. (one of them is fairly large and almost impossible to conceal) Neither one of them have any meaning and I really wish I would have waited until I was older, so that I could get one that had meaning to it. I though they were so cool at the time. Now, over 10 yrs later and I'm taking my little boys to a playdate at the pool....not so cool. Ugh..

  16. I have 4 tattoos. Three of them are on my back (in the interest of concealment and because I figured my back could never get *that* fat, right?). My first was at 18 and is a random chain of flowers around my ankle. It's really the only one I would like to have not gotten. My second was a tramp stamp (embarrassing!) of my astrological sign with flowers. Three is the kanji character for daughter with cherry blossoms on my upper mid back for Riley. And four, which I got nearly 3 years ago is a gorgeous dove on my left shoulder for Jonah (his name means dove).

    I love tattoos, but I'm about out of discreet space. I've seriously considered "sleeveing" my back. Lol!

  17. I had Puc from a Mid Summer Night's Dream done on my lower back, just above my right ass cheek when I was about 18 or 19. At the time it had great meaning and was very symbolic, something to do with coming out the other side of a really difficult time (what drama queen teenager DOESN'T go through one of those I ask you??)but now being older and really having experienced some difficult times...hhmmm not so meaningful in that department. I guess I should be thankful that play is still my favourite Shakespeare play!!

  18. My first one was a butterfly too. I HATE it. and in my infinite wisdom I got a second one to "match" it a few years later. only, it doesnt match. So now, I have one on each shoulder blade, both of which look shitty. Live & learn I suppose. Be happy you didn't get it on your neck or something embarrassing;)

  19. I only have one, and two more in my book of "next". I decided that I can't get more ink until my husband gets some of his own. I can't have three and he has NONE! That would be weird.

    But I am dying to get my daughter's names with their birth flowers on my foot. Someday....

  20. Well... you could do a few things. Laser removal will take it off but it often leaves scars that make it quite obvious what was there.
    Pros: Permanent remove.
    Cons: Expensive. Takes several treatments even for small tats. Painful - at least as painful as the tat was originally. Scarrring - beause it burns up the ink, the ink burns you which is where the pain and the scars come from.

    You can try wrecking balm to see if that will get rid of any of it. It works for some. I have had friends that used it who swear by it and others that it didn't seem to do much for, so your mileage may vary with that. Pros: Cream. No pain and no burning. Cons: Expensive and may not work on you. Must be used consistently. The peoeple that I know that said it worked for them used it to the letter according to the directions on the container - day in and day out - for months at a time.

    You can try using the makeup that they use to cover scars (being the badass that I am, I have more than a few - from the horses, and the motorcycles and the skateboards and the cars and well... lots of stuff from a life not spent sitting at home waiting for boys to call me *evil grin*). Brands like ColorTration and Dermablend and Dermaflage are out there and many are thick enough to cover up your less than desirable ink. Pro: it washes off and you don't have to wear it every day. Not painful. No burning and no scarring. Cons: You can't just get this stuff at CVS. You have to match your skin color which can change alot, espeically in the summer. And it's pretty expensive.

    Your other option lies with a new larger, tat. Some times a really good artist can find a way to cover it - but that usually means including your old tat in a new, larger tat that often has to be designed around the coloring and placement of the old one. It's very limiting to your choice of subject and colors. Pros: Covers up old tat. Cons: Hard to find someone skilled enough to do it and do it well. Requires yet more ink that you might not care for down the road. Makes original tat almost impossible to remove via laser.

    In your case, that does nothing for you because you want to be able to hide yours. Making it larger and darker to cover your old one really isn't an option for you.


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