The Checkout Blackout


I don't care who you are - man, woman, somewhere between the two - it's always nice to get checked out by a member of the opposite sex (or, you know, whichever gender you fancy). Even if it embarrasses you a little bit, inside you're secretly like, "Awww yeah. I still got it." It doesn't matter if you're married or otherwise romantically attached, because it isn't like getting checked out is gonna lead to the demise of your relationship (and if it does, there are some serious jealousy issues going on).

To be clear, I'm not talking about the gross kind of checking out. Like when it's not just a glance, but a slow and lecherous head-to-toe scan, perhaps with a "Daaaayum" thrown in for extra ickiness. Those kinds of checkouts leave you feeling like you should head for the nearest shower and scrub your skin raw with a loofah and then put on a turtleneck and a sweater. And grandma shoes.

The ones I like are the simple, no-frills, "I'm-looking-at-you-a-second-longer-than-normal-because-your-attractiveness-caught-my-eye" checkout. You know the type. The kind that buoys your self-esteem for a little bit, even if they were really just looking at you because you had a weird piece of hair sticking up. It's the kind of checkout I used to get all the time.

Key word here: used to get.

I can't tell y'all how long it's been since anyone close to my age has checked me out (the hundred-year-old man in line behind me at the grocery store the other day doesn't count). I don't get it. Yeah, I could stand to lose a couple of pounds, but I'm a pretty normal weight - it's not like I'm rolls-spilling-over-the-sides-of-a-motorized-scooter hefty. I have been wearing makeup. I've just had a haircut - I'm not rocking a 'fro or a crazy bouffant. I keep my eyebrows waxed ('cause if I don't, they look like mustaches growing in the wrong place). My face hasn't changed, it's still decently attractive. I don't get it.

Is it because I'm thirty? Is thirty, like, the magical age where no one checks you out any more unless you're displaying some major cleavage or something? Or does my general appearance just scream "mother of three?"

I know ... I should be self-confident enough not to care. And if you are, more power to you - but I like a little outside validation once in a while. Who's with me?


17 comments:

  1. If you think 30 is bad, wait a few years, LOL.

    It's because we live in midwestern states, darn 'too-nice' people... they think staring is inappropriate.

    That's what I tell myself at least

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  2. ME! I'M with you! My husband tells me I've still got it, but frankly, it's been AGES since I've gotten a little outside approval. Sigh!

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  3. Me too! I can't remember the last time someone gave me a second glance;0(

    I'd even settle for being ID for alcohol...

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  4. I get a couple looks now and then...but I DID just move to a new city recently. And it's full of lesbians. And I feel like new meat. And they are all probably wondering if I swing their way or the other way. My wife calls me her pretty little straight girl because I just don't "look gay" like the other girls. It's a little disconcerting to be stared at...BUT....I do like the occasional long glance that you mentioned!!! And I miss it, too.

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  6. Girl! I hear ya. I would like to be checked out but sadly I too am over 30 and the only looks I get are crazy ones because I am yelling at my children.

    *sigh*

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  7. I'm not even thirty(I'll be 27 next month), but I've got 3 kids and another on the way. I haven't gotten checked out in...oh...5 years. I've been married that long, too. Sigh... I think it's the kids...or the wedding ring or...something. I dunno!

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  8. I had a cute, young hunky guy being all smiley-smiley in the check out line at Wal-Mart the other day (I'm sure he was just being nice) and the check out girl made a point to put my super-sized box of tampons on TOP of the bag whirly-gig, like they were too big to fit in a bag.

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  9. People look at me all the time. Because I have 4 kids and they think I need help or intervention. Oh 35 you SUCK!

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  10. I'm with you. It's been a long time since I've gotten the second glance. Although I'm sure that the screaming children with me might have something to do with it.

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  11. If I said, "I'd hit it," would that make me one of those creepy people? Because if so, then I'm totally not saying that. If not though...Day-um.

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  12. I'm with ya girl. 100%. It's nice to get checked out...what's even better is if hubby sees it. Just a little reminder that you're quite the catch!!

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  13. I think it's not that you aren't getting the glances, you just aren't NOTICING them. At least, that's what I'm telling myself...

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  14. This makes me laugh, because i was just commenting that now that I'm 30 that men no longer really check me out (or soon STOP as soon as they see the children) but men (and women) of all ages ARE extraordinarily NICE to me, assisting me in public by going out of their way.

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  15. This happened to me today!!!
    Since it has been like 86 years since it had happened last I turned to my girlfriend for confirmation "did that really just happen... to us?!" LOL
    Puts a smile on, it does.

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  16. Today I was out photographing during a mentoring session and I totally got the look, but its because of my CAMERA. it feels worse when you know its because of what you're doing, not because of how rockin you look that day. .... lame....

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  17. it has been so long since I got checked out! All I'm left with for external validation that I'm not a completely old hag is when i manage to get carded buying liquor. and even that is drying up. i'm going to have to start hanging out at old folks home so i can be the young hot one again

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