The Marshmallow Mystery
It's the cheap version of chocolate Lucky Charms, called "Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys." And right away, I was confused. You see, with actual Lucky Charms, everything fits together: the name of the cereal, its leprechaun mascot "Lucky," and the shapes of the marshmallows - pots of gold and lucky stars and four-leaf-clovers and all this. But there is no such logical order to the chaotic sugary mess that is Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys. The word "matey" brings to mind pirates ... you know, as in, "Arrr, matey!" Yet the only mascot on the bag to speak of is a small kangaroo named "Cool Blue" - not very pirate-y. This in itself is perplexing, but then I got to examining the shapes of the marshmallows ... and realized that, whatever they are, they seem to have very little to do with either pirates or kangaroos.
Here's where I need your help, so let's play a game, shall we? Try to identify each of the marshmallow shapes. (Note: these are not misshapen marshmallow anomalies - I actually dug through the bag to find the most perfect specimens of each shape. And sorry they're blurry, I'm just a sucky photographer.)
A cupcake, perhaps. Or a ... haystack ... with pink ... uh, no. I honestly have no idea.
Marshmallow #5: I'm sorry. Maybe it's that my mind is never far from the gutter. But this one looks a bit like a (pitifully small, oddly shaped) ... well, use your imagination. (Hint: part of the male anatomy.) For those of you with no pervy inclinations, perhaps we could just consider it a weird mushroom.
Definitely a new breed of blue chili pepper with a yellow top. Yes. That's got to be it. Or wait - maybe it's a sock.
I guess when you buy generic, you can't expect a coherent theme. But anybody who can somehow tie all this together gets major points for being the most creative person I know - because if there were ever a good example of the word "random" this would totally be it.
At least the cereal is tasty.