The Marshmallow Mystery

Yesterday we let Colin pick out his own cereal. (Since he's short, he went straight for the generic brand on the lower shelves - sweet!) Anyway, he chose this:

It's the cheap version of chocolate Lucky Charms, called "Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys." And right away, I was confused. You see, with actual Lucky Charms, everything fits together: the name of the cereal, its leprechaun mascot "Lucky," and the shapes of the marshmallows - pots of gold and lucky stars and four-leaf-clovers and all this. But there is no such logical order to the chaotic sugary mess that is Chocolate Marshmallow Mateys. The word "matey" brings to mind pirates ... you know, as in, "Arrr, matey!" Yet the only mascot on the bag to speak of is a small kangaroo named "Cool Blue" - not very pirate-y. This in itself is perplexing, but then I got to examining the shapes of the marshmallows ... and realized that, whatever they are, they seem to have very little to do with either pirates or kangaroos.

Here's where I need your help, so let's play a game, shall we? Try to identify each of the marshmallow shapes. (Note: these are not misshapen marshmallow anomalies - I actually dug through the bag to find the most perfect specimens of each shape. And sorry they're blurry, I'm just a sucky photographer.)

Marshmallow #1: Curtis says it's a dolphin. I say it's more ... flounder-ish. You decide.

Marshmallow #2: I'm pretty sure this is a shoe. But what does that have to do with anything?

Marshmallow #3: A heart? A pink-and-yellow diamond? A homosexual Superman symbol?

Marshmallow #4:
A cupcake, perhaps. Or a ... haystack ... with pink ... uh, no. I honestly have no idea.

Marshmallow #5: I'm sorry. Maybe it's that my mind is never far from the gutter. But this one looks a bit like a (pitifully small, oddly shaped) ... well, use your imagination. (Hint: part of the male anatomy.) For those of you with no pervy inclinations, perhaps we could just consider it a weird mushroom.

Marshmallow #6:
Definitely a new breed of blue chili pepper with a yellow top. Yes. That's got to be it. Or wait - maybe it's a sock.

I guess when you buy generic, you can't expect a coherent theme. But anybody who can somehow tie all this together gets major points for being the most creative person I know - because if there were ever a good example of the word "random" this would totally be it.

At least the cereal is tasty.


  1. welcome to wonderful world of generic where logic has no place! I think the kangaroo goes with matey as a general australia theme - instead of ahoy mateys, it's more like how they call everyone mate. I did immediately think pirates at first too. I have no clue waht those marshmallows are - mysterious shapes from down under!

  2. Yeah, I considered the kangaroo/Australia/"mate" connection too ... although it was iffy, because it's not like they say, "G'day, mateY." Ya know?

    ... Or do they? Hell, I don't know, I'm not Australian. Anyway, you'd think that if it had an Australian theme there'd at least be an identifiable boomerang marshmallow, or a koala or something ...

  3. lmao! I have actually purchased the non-chocolate version of this generic brand of cereal, and discovered the amusement you speak of. I had pervy thoughts as well lol.

  4. Yeah. All things considered it's pretty bad

  5. LOL Lindsey ... it was actually the "phallic-mallow" that started this whole thing. I was taking a bite and was like, "WTF?" and it made me sift through the other marshmallows to see exactly what I was eating. :)

  6. at least it tastes good. Oh wait, no it doesn't.

  7. When I Googled Marshmallow Mateys I came up with this: The Marshmallows have pirate shapes such as parrots, treasure chests, shovels and jewels - Urban Dictionary

    I could maybe see a treasure chest and a jewel...but I don't know about a parrot unless it is the blue and yellow chili pepper.

    I got nothing...sorry, dude.

  8. Wow Charisse! It actually crossed my mind to Google it, but I thought, "Nah, there surely won't be any indication as to what the shapes are supposed to be." Shows what I know!

    I still don't see parrots, shovels or any of that other stuff though.

  9. I definitely have trouble seeing most of those shapes, myself. And the kangaroo thing still throws me off quite a bit!!!!

    I TAGGED you on my blog - check it out - kinda fun :-)

  10. I didn't even know they made chocolate Lucky Charms!
    Are you sure marshmallow #1 isn't a hand gun or cannon?
    This was fun! Thanks for sharing!

  11. Turn your mushroom upside down for the shovel, and I think your shoe is a treasure chest... Maybe not, but really I don't think anyone knows for sure.

  12. "Cool Blue" is the mascot for that entire brand's cereal. S/he's also on their fruity pebbles knock off. I didn't know they made chocolately marshmallow mateys, that's pretty sweet!

    Now, onto the actual marshmallows:

    1 immediately made me think of a fish
    2 Definitely a shoe or some sort of fancy footwear
    3 My first thought was diamond
    4 Cupcake
    5 Probably a mushroom of some sort. Haha
    6 Nothing came to mind when I first saw this, but a chili pepper or maybe a booty seems kind of right.

    Nice post!

  13. I bet #4 is the treasure chest (after reading the comments on here)

  14. I am guessing those are the marshmellows that didn't make the Lucky Charms QA process which in turn were sold at a fraction of the price to the generic cereal manufacturer.

  15. I have no idea what those marshmallows are. Maybe they're the rejects from Lucky Charms that don't quite resemble anything? Hrm...

  16. Yum, can I just eat the marshmellows?

  17. Ask Colin what they are. With his imagination, I'll bet he can come up with some good ones!

  18. #1 = dolphin or shark
    #2 = parrot on it's side
    #3 = gem
    #4 = treasure chest
    #5 = shovel
    #6 = sword (blue curved blade, gold handle)

    Sorry if I destroyed the fun by taking away the mystery.

  19. Ok I was sifting through the Target brand (Archer Farms) lucky charms, named "Marshmallow Treasures" and was equally perplexed by the shapes. Finding it prudent to avoid my schoolwork for more time, I decided to run a Google search. These shapes that you've posted up from Marshmallow Mateys are EXACTLY the same deformities in my Target box. Which is pretty disturbing.

    I'm glad Holly Noelle has figured this mystery out.

  20. It's a fish/shark-yours is upside down, a perched parrot- turn yours a 1/4 to the left, gem, open treasure chest-top color is pile of gold/treasure, shovel-yours is upside down, and I believe a shooting star-yours is upside down. Could be a sword? But looks more like a shooting star, and pirates do follow the stars.

  21. according to the back of the bag (not me! :P)

    2=PARROT! :P turn it sideways
    3=gem (what gems are red/yellow swirled I do NOT know.)
    4=treasure chest
    5=HAHAHAHAHAHAHA shovel. very questionably a shovel.

    They're all pirate themed! Hence, the MATEY

  22. I am doing a graphing activity with students and I found your posts funny and helpful. I had such a hard time figuring out what each of the marshmallows represented. Thanks

  23. Not a sword. Shooting star, guys. Everything else you've got correct.

  24. Now they have a completely new set of marshmallow shapes... a blue prime rib, white star, possible pirate head, and I think the gem and dolphin are the same.

  25. Wow this is awesome, I am so glad that I'm not the only one that can't figure out just what the heck these shapes are suppose to be. The packaging does nothing to assist in figuring out what they are. ...My bag doesn't have the shapes listed on it anywhere,


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