Shootin' the Shiznit

If you've ever changed the diaper of a very small baby boy, you know that you've gotta protect yourself or you'll get sprayed with pee as soon as the air hits the goods. I knew that even before I had kids, thanks to my umpteen-million nephews and their umpteen-million diapers. But then I had my own children, and now that I'm on my third boy I've developed a theory: the pee spray doesn't happen that often when your boys are uncircumcised. All three of my sons are uncirc'ed, and I can probably count one on hand the number of times that they've peed on me during a diaper change. I can't scientifically prove this, but everybody knows that my opinion is just as good as fact. Right?

... RIGHT???

*cricket, cricket*

Anyway, though my sons' foreskins may protect me from being peed on, there is no protection from being pooped on.

You can see where this is going.

Yesterday I went to change Coby's sodden diaper. As soon as I opened it, a bit of poo oozed out like a little sausage grinder. "Oops!" I chirped, blissfully unaware of the horrible fate that was soon to befall me. "Mommy will just wait." And so I covered him back up for a minute or two, hoping he'd finish his doody - er, duty. When I peeked back into the diaper, it looked like he had pooped all he was going to poop, so I proclaimed it safe and began to proceed with changing him.

Suddenly, I was sprayed with a projectile arc of bright yellow poo accompanied by a grown-man-sized fart. Thank God Curtis was home. "Help!" I yelled. "Get me something!"

So what did my helpful husband bring?

The camera.

(That ass.)

Between guffaws of laughter, he took photo after photo of my misfortune. "Hurry up!" I shrieked. "This is gross! It's not funny!"

Finally he went to retrieve a towel, still grasping the camera. And just as he walked back into the room ... SPLAT! I was hit with a second tsunami of poop, this time coating the back of my hand, dripping warmly between my fingers. Ironically, it was the hand that was holding the diaper in place to protect against that very thing. Ugh.

And *snap, snap, snap* went the camera.

... Until I smacked Curtis across the face with my poopy hand. Pow!

... Just kidding, but I totally should've.

Anyway, I've refrained from posting the pictures within the blog for those of you with, um, more delicate sensibilities. (You're welcome.) But if you'd like to see the photographic evidence, you can find the pictures here and here.

May your day NOT be as "crappy" as mine. :)

Comments

  1. Sorry Reet! I know exactly how boys are!

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  2. LOL oh it's so hard to feel sorry when it's so darn funny!

    I would have smacked my hubby, like you said. But, hindsight is 20/20 right?

    Hope the day brings no more poo!

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  3. Eeeek!!

    Is it wrong that I want to see the pictures now??? I'm curious.

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  4. Oh man that's funny..only since it didn't happen to me! I have a boy too, so I know the disaster that can happen. And of course, I had to look at the pics..what a doody, er, I mean doozy!

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  5. Oh I totally didn't want to look but I just had to. I had no control over the clicking. And ya' know. It took me back to memories of that happening to me. Yup, me AND my hubby have had that happen to us.

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  6. yes, I must say, pretty gross.

    I have to say Drake (who is circumcised) has never gotten me either way. Dallas never pooped on me, but I had it happen with Morgan, and it was equally as gross, trust me.

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  7. just FYI, my son is circumsized and I have never been peed on. I kept waiting and waiting and changing the diaper as fast as possible keeping everything covered and nothing ever happened. He has peed on the floor a couple of times when Someone let him run around naked, but never projectile on reflex to air contact. So maybe it's not the foreskin and our sons are just awesome?

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  8. LOL, sorry.....just had to laugh! I've been peed on numerous times, but I don't remember ever being the recipient of a massive projectile pooping! You're a lucky girl!

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  9. Mike always thinks the poop stories are funny, but I better not show him this one or he might never want to have kids!

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  10. Rita you are hilarious! That is not the first time that I have read your blog aloud for all around me to enjoy and I doubt it will be the last! Also love the appropriate blue starbursts over your boy's goods:-)

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  11. Oh Rita - you are just a gem. I love the fact that your hubby took a photo (mine would have done the exact same thing). Have been sprayed by poo too...oh the memories! x

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  12. of course I clicked on the pics.

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  13. Now why did I click to see the photos??!!! definitely gross! Oh the joy of newborns, that happened to me at least one with both my boys :)

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  14. I totally looked and that is just so nasty. I am truly sorry for laughing, but it goes along with the joys of motherhood. Not sure I was ever in that position and am certain that there are no photos :) Hope today is cleaner and happier for everyone!!

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  15. EWWWWWW!! And I thought my doggie poops were yucky!

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  16. I've had a nasty cold, and nothing sets off a coughing fit like a good laugh. I almost broke a rib on this one!!!

    When my daughter was all of two weeks old, she hit me with projectile breast-milk-poop. My dad happened to be near by and when I shouting, "What do I do? What do I do?" He just laughed and said, "Welcome to parenthood." I could have clocked him.

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  17. You know I totally looked, right? (And my Hubby would've done the EXACT SAME thing.)

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  18. OMG Rita! Of course I looked at the pics but totally wish I hadn't now. Not because I have an especially weak stomach--because I don't. But I happen to be eating split pea soup that looks EXACTLY like, well...yeah

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