DON'T Follow Me on Twitter!

Everybody's on Twitter these days. Even me, and I'm always lagging when it comes to technology. (I didn't get a cell phone until like 2007, and I was seriously the last person I knew without one. Except for, like, my grandma).

Twitter is pretty cool because you can share snippets of your life in 140-character-or-less "tweets." Some of my most recent tweets:

- Can anybody else eat a pint of ice cream in one sitting? ... No? ... Just me then? ... *runs away*

- My 4-year-old actually requests wedgies. What is WRONG with this child?

- Crap. Forgot it was trash day.

- One hour until bedtime, one hour until bedtime, one hour until bedtime...

Yep, most some are silly and mundane, but it's actually pretty cool to see the inner workings of some people's minds and the little details of their lives. When you care about those people's minds and lives enough to keep track, that is.

Like any other social networking tool, though, there's a definite downside to Twitter. And for me, that's the spam followers: people who follow you - i.e., subscribe to your tweets - just because they want to invite you to "Click here for my XXX site!" or "See how I make $10,000 a week on Twitter!" or other similar crap.

Note to spam followers: I don't want to see "exclusive video" of Britney Spears going down on some skeezy backup dancer. Nor do I have the desire to look at anything on Paris Hilton that's further south than, like, the top of her head. I'm not stupid enough to believe I can make $10 grand a week on anything, let alone freakin' Twitter. And unless you're Johnny Depp, I'm not into viewing your naked cam, thanks.

(But if you indeed are Johnny Depp with a naked webcam, sign me up!)

I'm into quality, not quantity, people. Sure, I adore new followers - I admit, it was awesome to cross that 100-follower threshold (shut up, all you people with thousands of followers. I'm new at this). But it's even MORE awesome to know that you have that many legitimate followers: people who want to follow you because they want to know more about your life. Not because they want to rope you into their Internet sleaziness.

And one more thing, while I'm on my Twitter-griping-soapbox? Get a life, people who actually care whether someone reciprocally follows them. Puh-lease. Just yesterday I un-followed someone who actually had the gall to tweet something like: "I just found out so-and-so isn't following me - and we've even talked on the phone!" What was worse, she put a link to this person's profile, calling her out publicly so all the other followers could see. Baaaaad form, chick. Way to be adolescent about it.

So anyway: if you care to know the oh-so-fascinating details of my life ("Breakfast time. What would Jesus eat? A PB&J. Absolutely") and be kept posted with up-to-the-minute tweets while I'm in labor (if I ever go into labor, that is) then you should definitely follow me on Twitter.

But if you just want me to look at you naked, well ... you'd better be Johnny Depp.


  1. Now THIS is an awesome post! You are miles ahead of me on the Twitter thing. I haven't quite figured that one out yet. I do like Facebook though. But I simply REFUSE to get sucked into some of those games. And you right, people blather about the most mundane things. And way too personal stuff too. I logged on to facebook last week and the first thing I saw was a post from a gal I am connected to. It was her "preferred sexual position"...complete with line drawings. I was MORTIFIED. I disconnected from her so fast my keyboard almost caught on fire. I'm no prude, but I am not understanding why anyone would put that out on front street for everyone to see? I disturbs me a little she is a teacher. And her Dad is a well know public figure.

  2. Another fine posting you got me into Ollie. Very very funny! And so so true. I could have 100's of followers if I kept all the "spammers" (which is what they are). I did find out that when you type certain words - like "naked" - it sends those type followers to you automatically! (I didn't know that) You typed naked in your tweet - beware - !

  3. I just can't seem to commit to the twitter thing. I may have to reconsider so that I can know exactly what you are eating for breakfast every morning!

  4. I just can't do Twitter. For the sole reason that posts are called "Tweets"

  5. I haven't jumped in the Twitter band wagon yet but maybe I will! I've realized that a lot of people have bad internet etiquette on social networking sites, too!

  6. I do follow you on Twitter and seriously can NOT believe you haven't gone into labor yet. Not even mowing the lawn helped?!?!? Poor thing . . .

  7. I love your Tweets, but that may be just cuz I love you! I often leave random Tweets for people's enjoyment also. I think we should have a random tweet battle, that would be fun!

  8. Okay Reet, if Johnny Depp answers you.....let me know! LOL

  9. Naked? Oh, no...uh, uh.

    And no, I don't tweet---don't even have time to blog---do NOT have time to tweet!!

  10. I've been invited to tweet, but just can't bring myself to join. I hate the wall on facebook for the reason that people practically tell me when they go to the bathroom. I imagine that's all Twitter's about.

    ... but I'm sure I'll give in eventually.

  11. I can't seem to get into the whole Twitter frenzy. Maybe some day...if so, you'll definitely be the first person I follow!

  12. I'll follow you! I love twitter and following fun people!

  13. It's like Facebook with only statuses. Hahaha, yours are HILARIOUS!


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