In the Company of ... Company

I'm having company this weekend.

I once read an article about how to be a good hostess to overnight guests. And I still remember the accompanying pictures: a cozy, inviting, perfectly appointed guest room with crisp linens and a little vase of flowers on the nightstand. The article talked about how you should always put a stack of clean towels in said guest room. And how you should put together a little basket with things your guest might want - a bottle of water, a light snack, a crossword puzzle, yada yada yada. And I was determined, reading that article at the ripe old age of eighteen or so, that I would always give my guests that sort of VIP treatment.

Fast-forward a few years and a few kids. You wanna know what it's like to be a guest at my house? Let me give you a little taste.

-First of all, there is no guest room. We've got too many kids to have extra rooms - which is why my computer is in the corner of the friggin' dining room instead of in its own private office.

-Secondly, even if there were a guest room, there would be no flowers on the nightstand. Why? Because there would be no nightstand. I don't even have a nightstand of my own ... or a headboard for that matter. There is no furniture to speak of in our bedroom except for our headboard-less bed and a crappy particleboard bookshelf that we bought on clearance at Target. So there will be no other room getting good furniture until I myself receive good furniture.


-You've got a choice of where to sleep: the couch, the kids' bunk bed, or the air mattress. The couch is comfy, but you'll likely be accosted by the dog and two cats. They're used to sleeping there. ... Don't look at me like that! I used a lint roller and Febreze!

-Your bedding? That would be the decorative striped pillows from my sons' beds and the "bed-in-a-bag" Elmo comforter that Colin had when he was two.

-Your towels? We've got green, pink, black, or burgundy - take your pick. Some are from like 1998 when I went off to party central college so they're a little, um, worn. Don't worry about those yellowish spots on the green towel. That's what happens when you get zit cream on fabric.

-I'll make you a lovely breakfast in the morning. Probably cinnamon rolls out of a can.

It's pathetic, really, how far my lofty goal of VIP guest treatment has fallen. But these days, my ideal of successful hosting is keeping pants on my kids in the presence of company. Which is why I'm sooooo glad that the "company" I'm expecting is my sister, Amy (shown below, being forced by yours truly to do the YMCA. You can't tell, but it was at gunpoint).

Amy is one of the handful of people who I know genuinely won't care that they're going to have to fetch their own drinks and that my "table linens" are really paper towels. And best of all, she's down with the clerty, which makes things a whole hell of a lot easier on me.

It's going to be a good weekend. :)


  1. You are SO hysterical! I read that SAME article and swore that same thing and while my guest bed is a daybed in my office (used to be son's room) - only one person better show up or plan to go to a motel. I tried the flowers by the bed thing (thank you Walmart) and the little basket of crap for her to use or take home, but I swear to you - perfecting the "hostess to the overnight guest" thing was more stress than cleaning my whole house. That's why I rarely let people come to see me - I meet them halfway in a nice hotel with maid service and chocolates I didn't buy myself on the pillows that I didn't fluff myself.

  2. This made me laugh. Why did it make me laugh? Because MY computer is also in the corner of my dining room. And we don't have end-tables, either. Matching towels? Ha. . .we have like, 2 of 'em - but they sure aren't white!

    But sisters are awesome, and mine always was THRILLED when I made cinnamon rolls out of a can for breakfast. It happened nearly every time she stayed on my couch when I lived farther away from her! You guys are gonna have a great weekend!

  3. I have a set of custom made zit cream bleached towels AND sheets. Zits are awesome right?!

    You are too funny.

  4. I always tell houseguests that if they wanted a nice place to stay they should have made friends with Howard Johnson.

  5. The only thing I'm sadly retaining from this is that I have a zit, and wrinkles.

  6. I love this.

    If we have a houseguest they have to sleep in the tiny laundry room that smells like catbox because, well, the catbox is in there.

    Needless to say, most people opt to stay in a hotel when they come see us..

  7. You are a good hostess. When we were up there both the times to visit you it was fun. The first time was just a little different because that is when you had Phoenix who always barked even when it was at nothing. It was fun when we were up there last Thanksgiving, which I am glad that we were able to come up because Grandma was still here with us. I miss her really bad but just knowing that she is with Grandpa and singing with the angels and also being all of our guardian angel so I feel pretty safe knowing she is watching over us.

    Love you sis and who knows when Becky and I might be up to visit you all again.

  8. I'm the WORST hostess ever. But, I'd be super nice if you came for a visit to Casa de Dummies. And, I we don't even have a dog anymore so you'll be nice and comfy on the couch:)

  9. There's nothing wrong with your "guest accommodations!" Your couch is very comfortable, and the animals are always gracious enough to let me have it all to myself. I happen to enjoy cinnamon rolls from a can, and the computer in the dining room enables me to check my e-mail and Facebook while watching the kids play in the living room. I love visiting at your house! You girls have a wonderful weekend together!

  10. this cracked me up...I do take my hostessing skills quite seriously. :)

  11. Hahahaha- I love how our ideals when we're young change when reality hits us in the face.

  12. least people (or person) can come see you. Right now I am in a one bedroom apartment with Lorelli's father. He sleeps on the pullout couch in the living room. And she sleeps in her toddler bed in her daddy's room next to her daddy's bed that he has so graciously given up to ME. So....if you want to come see me right now, I suggest the hotel/motel right up the street. But if you want to stay can share the king sized bed with me. In his room. With Lorelli in there too.

    I am just saying.


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