Offers I Can't Refuse
So last night after my delicious Chinese takeout, I cracked open my cookie with reverence, awaiting a glimpse into my future. And this is what it said:
Exactly what that offer is remains to be seen. So while I'm waiting to find out, let's go through a list of things that I would definitely not refuse if offered to me:
-Chocolate. In virtually any form.
-My pre-baby body, or a similar physique, less wide than the one I'm currently sporting (non-refusal of aforementioned chocolate may be at least partially to blame for said widening).
-Someone to clean my house. No ... wait. I'll make it even easier. Someone to sweep up the
bushels of crumbs and scoop the disgusting poop out of the litter box. Because if there are two things I deal with entirely too much on a daily basis, it's crumbs and poop. And sometimes, crumbs of poop.
-The removal of my beard, which is disappointingly still present. That bastard. (Or "those bastards" ... since there are multiple hairs? I should've paid more attention in English class.)
-The option to spend 20 blissfully uninterrupted minutes on the toilet with the latest issue of Marie Claire, without anyone knocking incessantly or yelling, "Mommeeeeeeee!" or pushing scraps of paper/used dryer sheets/anything flat underneath the door.
-Money to spend on something besides bills, groceries, diapers, and clothing my kids will ruin or outgrow within a handful of wearings.
-A decent haircut, since my miles of split ends are beginning to make me resemble a brunette broom. ( ...If brooms were pear-shaped.)
-A day, just one day, where I don't have to say "Get off your brother," "Get out of his face," "Leave him alone," "Stop that," or "Go put some pants on."
-Okay, then at least a day where I don't have to say that stuff so often that my throat gets raw.
-500 new followers for my blog. Hey, a girl can dream. ;)
See, divine-universe-or-whatever-power-is-in-charge-of-making-fortune-cookies-come-true? I'm not so hard to please.
Lay it on me.