Offers I Can't Refuse

Everybody knows you should take fortune cookies seriously. Because they are wise and accurate oracles, ranking right up there with Magic 8 Balls and Miss Cleo and her band of telephone psychics and those little paper fortune tellers like this:

(Photo courtesy of eHow. And the link is above in case you should feel the need to make one.)

So last night after my delicious Chinese takeout, I cracked open my cookie with reverence, awaiting a glimpse into my future. And this is what it said:


Exactly what that offer is remains to be seen. So while I'm waiting to find out, let's go through a list of things that I would definitely not refuse if offered to me:

-Chocolate. In virtually any form.

-My pre-baby body, or a similar physique, less wide than the one I'm currently sporting (non-refusal of aforementioned chocolate may be at least partially to blame for said widening).

-Someone to clean my house. No ... wait. I'll make it even easier. Someone to sweep up the bushels of crumbs and scoop the disgusting poop out of the litter box. Because if there are two things I deal with entirely too much on a daily basis, it's crumbs and poop. And sometimes, crumbs of poop.

-The removal of my beard, which is disappointingly still present. That bastard. (Or "those bastards" ... since there are multiple hairs? I should've paid more attention in English class.)

-The option to spend 20 blissfully uninterrupted minutes on the toilet with the latest issue of Marie Claire, without anyone knocking incessantly or yelling, "Mommeeeeeeee!" or pushing scraps of paper/used dryer sheets/anything flat underneath the door.

-Money to spend on something besides bills, groceries, diapers, and clothing my kids will ruin or outgrow within a handful of wearings.

-A decent haircut, since my miles of split ends are beginning to make me resemble a brunette broom. ( ...If brooms were pear-shaped.)

-A day, just one day, where I don't have to say "Get off your brother," "Get out of his face," "Leave him alone," "Stop that," or "Go put some pants on."

-Okay, then at least a day where I don't have to say that stuff so often that my throat gets raw.

-500 new followers for my blog. Hey, a girl can dream. ;)

See, divine-universe-or-whatever-power-is-in-charge-of-making-fortune-cookies-come-true? I'm not so hard to please.

Lay it on me.


  1. I LOVED those little paper fortune teller thingies when I was a kid. . .and I'm right there with you on the rest. Pear-shaped broom had me rolling! Thanks for the laugh!

  2. Ooooo very interesting! I love fortunes! A few of mine actually came true. I got one that said "The following year will bring you much happiness." And you know what? That's the year I got pregnant! And have you ever heard of someone getting the exact.same.fortune three times in a row? Yeah, it happened to me once. LOL

    Can't wait to see what your offer is!!!

    Happy Friday :)

  3. My son has been wanting me to make those paper fortune things. But I have no idea how to make them.

    This is a great list! I just had to ask my daughter to put some pants on.

  4. I hope you get something good.

  5. Ooooo, definitely let us know when you receive the offer! Can't wait to hear what it is!

  6. I'm right there with you! I'm always yelling at both of the boys to put some pants on. Especially my 9 year old. He's just too old to be running around in his undies trying to immitate Michael Jackson holding his crotch. Not a great sight to see!

  7. LOL, I'd even settle for my 40-yr.-old body! But at this point, I'll opt for the chocolate instead. ;o)

  8. I am with you on most every one of those! They all sound so good right now.

  9. Hehe.. I love the taste of those fortune cookies!! My other half reads the message then chucks them away but I cant resist but to nibble on them! :)

  10. I do not like fortune cookies. They are icky to me. All smooth and weird on the outside and a strange taste. But I do like the fortunes. And yours sounds nice. And I would SOOOOO love to go to the bathroom by myself. End someday I may just PRETEND to need to go to the bathroom so that I can be by myself. I am just saying.


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