Making the Cut

If you know me in person, or have been reading my blog for a while, you know that I have unruly hair. I'm like Carrot Top ... well, except the red hair. And the curls. And the weirdly out-of-place muscles.
(Seriously, WTF is up with Carrot Top? It looks like his head is stuck onto the wrong body. Google him, you'll see what I mean.)

Anyway, I feel the need to apologize to my poor sons, because it appears as though I've passed the "unruly" gene on to them. Both Colin and Cameron (the jury's still out on what kind of hair Coby's going to have) were cursed born with their own unique brands of follicular challenge. Colin's hair is straight as a stick, not a wave anywhere. Here's a perfect example, taken when he was about eight months old:

And Cameron? Well, he could totally sport a Jheri curl, if that ever came back in style.
... For white dudes.

The thing that sucks about having boys is that they have to get their hair cut a lot. Unless they're like teenagers or something and sporting that hideous shaggy 70s-throwback (which, coincidentally, just doesn't work on approximately 85% of the teen boys who wear it). Never having been a man myself (though Lord knows I've fantasized about the convenience of having a penis), I wasn't really aware of this fact until I had my sons - but if you want to keep a short style looking neat and tidy, it takes at least a monthly trim.

And monthly trims = cha-ching! My husband gets his done at this sports-themed place with flat-screen TVs and all the stylists are women and not only do you get your hurr did but then you get a neck massage afterward. It's like the Hooters of haircutting. Needless to say, Curtis likes it (because they do a good job, he claims. Much like he claims to like the real Hooters for their buffalo chicken sandwich *coughcough*) and he always wants to take the boys there. But it's ten friggin' dollars a cut, plus tip, for the little ones. Ridunkulous. By the time Curtis and both the kids got their cuts, it would end up costing like $45. And $45 or so per month for a whole year equals ... well, you do the math.

(... No seriously, you do the math because I suck at numbers.)

Anyway, because I'm a tightwad, I like to cut (no pun intended) costs where I can. Curtis won't let me touch his hair, but by golly, I'm the mom and I can tell my kids what to eat and when to go to bed and that I'm cutting their hair myself. Okay, so now that Colin's older Curtis takes him to the barber too (in reality I'm pretty sure he just thinks the chicks dig the "doting dad" persona) - but I've still got Cameron to force into submission.

Except his curls pose a problem: it's really hard to cut curly hair.
Especially when your skill with scissors is on par with, say, a first-grader.

So I consented for him to get his very first "big boy" trim at Daddy's barber. I figured if they could get me started, I could maintain the look for a while with a few regular trims at home. Right?
... Right?

Anyway, his first cut looked adorable. But then almost instantly, it seemed, he started looking a little shaggy again. So I got out the trusty scissors, plunked Cameron down in front of "Wow Wow Wubbzy" (he adores that show, for reasons unknown to me), and dampened his hair with a spray bottle. And then I started snipping, and the curls dropped off his head in soggy-ish clumps. This wasn't so bad ... until he began crying and brushing my hands away.

"Cameron, stop," I said sternly. "Mommy is almost finished. Just hold still for a minute longer ..."

And then I saw the tiny bead of blood on the top of his ear.
That's right folks, nominate me for "Mother of the Year": I snipped my kid's ear while I was attempting to cut his hair. It wasn't a serious injury, it was one of those "this hurts me more than it does you" type of things, but still.

He has an appointment at the Hooters of Haircuts. Cha-ching.


  1. My mom did the VERY same thing to me as a child. But I still love her LOL

  2. Ahhh poor Cameron.....I think having your mom cut your hair is worse than the bloody ear! LOL Your blogs are so funny!

  3. Awwww! Poor baby! I'd be a total nervous wreck wielding scissors near my kid. I'm still terrified of nail-clipper injury. Thank goodness I got a girl. At 2 years old, she's still waiting on that first haircut!

  4. Yep, the old "Mom CUT me when I was younger and made me bleed" trick. It is a ploy to make you feel guilty for the rest of your life. I only nipped son's ear a measly twice, maybe 3 times, over a 15 year period. He never let me cut his ear... umm hair - again after the last nip AND he is STILL trying to get milesage out of that pain and agony he swears he went through. He's 27. He lived. He needs to get over it. Right?

  5. OMG! Colin's hair is amazing! Love it.

    I will not be allowing myself near my children's hair with scissors. I have too many memories of hideous pudding bowl cuts being inflicted on me by well meaning grandparents as a child.


  6. I seriously hate Hooters food! And he is lying, all those men are lying, they don't like the food either! It is like a kid saying they go to Chuck E. Cheese for the pizza! yeah, right! frozen dinners, I tell you, frozen dinners!

  7. Seriously ... what is wrong with Carrot Top's body? It looks ... weird.

    Funny, post, sad ending ... I hate getting my hair cut but I've tried before and it's just not funny anymore when I mess up. I don't think I would attempt on my child. He's 9 months, though, so I don't think I want to cut his fluffy, beautiful blonde hair just yet.

  8. lol...oh my gosh i loved this post!! we have to cut our boys hair at home and our youngest boy throws the battle of the century! oh, its such a pain!! but i just don't have the heart to pay that much money for a trim!!

    fabulous post...i love your style!

  9. Hahahahahaha. I've done that. And I still cut their hair myself.

  10. Well, it's an unfortunate accident but I'm sure he'll live through the trauma. Probably much more easily than his mother. I recall clipping the end of your finger while trimming your nails once, too!
    And as for those scissors around a wiggly kid....(imagine my most serious Mom-voice here)....."You could put somebody's eye out with those things!" LOL

  11. I have to say Carrot Top looks pretty darn good with that new face!

    I don't know you in real life..but I'm pretty sure I'd be laughing a lot if I did! You're always cracking me up on here!

  12. one word: clippers. Boys just need a burr - when my son is looking shaggy I just take him outside (or have him stand in the tub in winter) and buzz it all off. not totally bald, but short enough that I don't have to do it very often. Doesn't cost a thing, he looks super cute, and it is pretty fool proof (although, I have emanaged to nip an ear before, but WAY less seriously than I would have done with scissors). I don't know how it would work for curly hair since my son;s is striGHT, but it should be fine seeing as it all ends up the same length.


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