Tree-asco, Part Two

I know that putting up a Christmas tree is great fun for the kiddies and whatnot. But for someone like me - someone who detests disorder (ironic since my house is usually the definition of disorderly) and haphazardness - the tree has been a great source of distress this year. Why? Because it looks like a holiday store took a massive dump in the corner of my living room, that's why.

In case you missed it, you might want to read over my initial post on this subject here. If you're all, "No way Rita, I don't have time to read any more of your goofy ramblings," then let me just give you a sampling of what happened when we put up our tree:
- It was dripping wet
- Half the lights didn't work
- There was someone hiding in the branches

So anyway. For the longest, we had a half-lit, undecorated tree. It just sat there looking like this:

But we figured we'd better buck up and finish it. After all we'd gone through to get it up in the first place, there was no way we were just letting it sit there all pitiful and half-nekkid for the remainder of the Christmas season. So we got rid of the crappy unreliable lights and got some brand new LED lights! They use far less energy (told you I was saving the earth, y'all!) and never get hot. Awesome. And once the tree was lit, we could put the rest of the decorations on. The ribbons. The bead garland. The ornaments. The star.

I thought that would be it. We'd decorate the tree and bask in the shining glow of its beauty all month long. But what I didn't take into account? Is that this is my first Christmas with:
- a four-year-old who doesn't listen
- an almost-two-year-old who is mesmerized by all the shinies
- two curious cats
- a three-month-old who steals my attention while the aforementioned crew is WRECKING the TREE

Yep. Our fully decorated tree, in its entirety, was pretty for about 2.5 seconds. And the top half still is ... for the most part. (Nan, this picture is for you, my friend!)

Now let's take a gander at the bottom half of the tree, shall we?

Mm-hmm. This is what happens when a tree is repeatedly pillaged by kids and cats and whatever else is probably living deep within the recesses of my carpet. And when a grand total of seven ornaments have been broken or otherwise rendered useless.

I was seriously thinking that someone needs to invent some sort of (attractive) barrier that keeps kids and animals and carpet-pests out of Christmas trees. Like one of those screens you put in front of your fireplace, you know? Anybody inventive and crafty out there? You can totally steal my idea and patent it and make millions. 'Cause it's, you know, brilliant and stuff. As long as you'll send me a freebie.

Because if anyone ever needed a Christmas tree guard?
It's me.


  1. Hi Rita, just stopping in from SITS to say hello. Your blog is groovy, girl! You seem so tech savvy. Have a good week.

  2. Love it! Hilarious and worrisome at the same time.
    Stopping in from SITS.
    This is the first year our little guy is very interested in Christmas trees. We are putting it up tonight so it will be 45 lb, 42 in 4year old preschooler versus Christmas tree. We'll see how it goes I guess....

  3. Is having kids is like having two demon pugs? I ask because my pug actually knocked over my lovely living room tree yesterday. It broke the stand for the tree. It destroyed and shattered many ornaments and a lovely glass topper. I had a nervous breakdown. Then, we picked up the glass, threw away the tree, poured a glass (or three) of wine and called it a night.

    The ironic part, I had just uploaded photos of the gorgeous tree for a schedule blog post tomorrow. At least I have blog material, I guess. And, some of the clean up is completed.

  4. Yeah, someone invent festive baby gates!

    Ornaments destroyed? 11. At least she's lost interest now.

  5. Pink Martini - So glad you stopped by - and thanks for the compliments! I'm not so much "tech savvy" as I am "Google-capable." :)

    Marie - Thanks for stopping in! I hope you have much better luck with keeping your little man out of the tree than I do!

    Julie - I know, I know. I thought of those, but then I thought - baby gates around a Christmas tree would just look so ugly! Then again, though, it isn't like my tree doesn't look ugly now ... :)

    Kim - OMG! Yes - our dog was with us before we had kids, and I think he was great preparation. I can't believe your sweet-looking little pugs wreaked such havoc on your poor tree! Eeek!

  6. Oh yeah, the lower half of our tree is a mess too.

    And a lot of presents have been ripped.

    I'd stick a gate around the tree but my kids would just climb over it.

  7. I am so sick and tired of telling my 4 kids ages 5 and 2 (there are three 2 years olds) to stop touching the tree that I may just put it away tomorrow and we just set it up yesterday.

  8. So been there done that.So I can laugh with you about it.
    Yes try those child fence gate thingy's

  9. Oh this is what has happened to my tree since the youngeest one started walking. Tt is the reason I have yet to decorate it. I am dreading the aftermath.

    Thanks for the blog tips.

  10. This is exactly why my Christmas tree is only 2 ft tall and sits on a four foot high shelf where none of my 3 kids under 4 can reach it. Or one cat either, since she is too fat and lazy too jump that high. I squirt the other with a spray bottle if she comes too close.

    I think I saw an episode of "They Who Shall Not Be Named plus 8" when the kids were all really little, and they had erected one of those flexible baby corrals that you can snap however many pieces together into a big circle around the tree to keep the kids out.

    In the future when we finally have a big tree, I plan to do a cardboard tree for the basement playroom that the kids can "play" with all they want, as long as they promise never to touch the real one. And I only buy plastic shatterproof ornaments (which are ridiculously hard to find, BTW)

    the top looks gorgeous!

  11. Well, at least you have a half-pretty tree! I recall having a small table-top tree for the first few years with you kids and then "graduating" to a big tree later. Still, the big ones are so much prettier - even when the bottom half is slightly mangled!

  12. Awwww, thank you for the beautimous picture - I saved it and look at it when I get Christmas-sick for my tree. Loved the lower half, too. You could paint those baby gates forest green so it looked... nah, saw where someone said her kids would climb it. I don't think yours would do that, do you (hahahahaha)???

  13. *bangs head on wall*

    Well . . . the top is GORGEOUS!!!

  14. Is that tree crooked? I kid, I kid!

    I'm basically a hermit and would rather skip the tree. Wife and kids outvote me.


  15. Freddae' - Thank you, thank you! :)

    Amber - I am literally astounded at the fact that my kids have not ripped a single present (knock on wood!). As much as they mess around down there, I was SURE they'd have torn them all to hell by now.

    Jen - YOU, lady, are a stronger woman than I. I have enough trouble with mine without adding an extra TWO two-year-olds! Yikes! I bow to you.

    Grammie - Someday I'll be able to laugh about it too. Right? ... RIGHT? :)

    African American Mom - Last year at this time Cameron was 11 months old and pretty mobile, and I was thinking we'd gotten off the hook because he wasn't all that interested in the tree. But this year was so much worse. I hope in your case this is the worst year!

    Kate - Thanks! :) If the two older boys' room were bigger, I would get them their own little Christmas tree. I don't know that it would deter them though ... knowing my kids, they'd just destroy both trees somehow and I'd have to clean up twice the mess!

    Mom - I've just adopted the habit of only looking at the top of the Christmas tree and ignoring the bottom half altogether. So far, it's working out all right.

    Nan - Sorry you don't get to have a tree this year. But hey, it's because you and Alpha Hubby are getting a beautiful new house! At least it's for a good cause! :)

    Me - Thank you! :) I noticed the other day that the color scheme is the exact same as in a Hallmark commercial, and I felt all classy.

    Joshua - It probably is crooked. Most likely from something crazy like a squirrel who's going to jump out of me a la National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation.

  16. Even not having little ones in my house anymore, I do deal with this, with the dogs. They are pretty much leaving the tree alone but they are horrible with the presents!

  17. Tracy - Nobody's bothered our presents (yet) but the cats in the tree are driving me crazy. Thurman's not too bad, although he's been into it a couple of times, but I can hardly keep Ava out of it! She's small enough to climb all throughout the branches and she's always knocking ornaments off. Grrr ..


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