Butterboobs

Curtis and I have this ongoing ... butter battle, for lack of a better explanation. See, I love me some REAL butter. Not margarine. Not canola spread. Not I-Can't-Believe-It's-a-Yellowish-Semi-Butter-Like-Concoction-in-a-Plastic-Tub. But real, honest to goodness, comes-from-a-cow butter.

"It doesn't spread," Curtis always complains. And I'll grudgingly admit that he does have a point there - I mean, straight out of the fridge, butter isn't exactly the right consistency to slather on a piece of bread. But real butter is just soooo much better that who even cares about that small and insignificant detail?

My husband does. Apparently enough to gripe about it every. single. time we have biscuits or toast or whatever else requires butter. So -  to a.) avoid having to hear it, and b.) take away his chief complaint, therefore proving that butter is indeed superior and that I WIN - I always lay out a stick to soften if I know we're going to need it.

Except for the other night.

I made chili and cornbread. And forgot to lay out the butter to soften beforehand. And everybody knows that if you try to spread cold butter on cornbread? It will totally disintegrate. Curtis would have reason to snark, "See? Told you we should have bought the spreadable kind." It was our last stick, and I didn't want to risk putting it in the microwave and inadvertantly melting it - but dinner was nearly upon us. What to do?

My lightening-fast intellect came up with a solution. This. 



You got a better butter-softening tool, I'd like to hear about it. I mean, come on. This is PERFECT! Portable, accessible, and the butter gave way to a nicely spreadable consistency in minutes.

Again: I WIN. 

This got chalked up as totally normal in my book. But Curtis had to take a picture, and insisted I blog about it to show the world what a ridiculous weirdo I actually am. Hmmph. He may call it weird, but I call it ingenious.

Potato, po-tah-to.


Comments

  1. Ingenious, yes. Weird, yes. Butter, YES! I used to have the same fight with my mother when I lived at home. Lucky for me, as long as I cook it, my husband will eat it, so the butter battle is ended. I've always used the microwave, tho! ;)

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  2. LMAO!! you do win!! you can do that with spread in a tub LOL!

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  3. My parents have a special two layer butter dish. The bottom is a reservoir for water and the top level holds the stick of butter. As the water evaporates it creates a cooling effect so the butter stays cool enough to be left out of the fridge for longs periods of time, but not so cold that it stays hard.

    But boobs are great too. ;)

    PS: Do a search on Amazon for "French butter dish." They don't look exactly the same as what my parents have, but they work on the exact same principle. Wikipedia says butter can last for a month one. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/French_butter_dish

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  4. Butter? What butter? Is that what we're supposed to be paying attention to here! I see a butterfly!

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  5. This is hilarious.

    I don't think it's safe, but I always keep a stick of butter out in the cabinet in a butter dish. My mama does it and I do it. Haven't died yet.

    Sometimes, I also put it in the window sill, which works pretty well. But, yours takes the cake. =)

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  6. I call it improvising, adapting and overcoming. You are a genious.
    I can see myself this Thanskgiving getting the butter ready to serve to all who have come. It will be great because you can do all other things while it softens.

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  7. Me - I swear, every time I've tried to use the microwave to soften butter it just ends up in a melty puddle. I can put it in for like three seconds and it does that ... I think my microwave is just whacked.

    Sunflower - I am totally going to point out your comment to Curtis, as "you do win" will really help my cause. Thanks! :)

    Holly - Whaaaa? OMG! I am off to check out Amazon's selection of French butter dishes right now. I had no idea such a lovely invention existed. You're a smart lady!

    Rose - Heehee! Yes! You DO see a butterfly. I got it when I was sixteen years old so please don't hold it against me. ;)

    Kim - My mother-in-law keeps her butter out for long periods too, and I've eaten it after it's been sitting out for a while. Obviously I've never died either. :) And I've actually seen canned butter that has ZERO preservatives, yet doesn't require refrigeration. So who knows. I'm going to look this up ...

    Grammie - Absolutely. I am firmly convinced now that THIS is why God decided to give us boobies. ;)

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  8. Hey everyone! This is Curtis, I'm just doing my daily read of my brilliant and lovely wife's blog. Did anyone else notice that the only letters showing on the butter spell "butt?" I know, I'm easily amused:)

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  9. Can I borrow your tits? I simply don't have the cleavage to pull that off.

    We use real butter too. Our long standing fight is that I leave it out, on a butter dish, but Hubby insists it should always be refrigerated.

    I grew up eating unrefrigerated butter and I'm JUST FINE, THANKYOUVERYMUCH.

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  10. Tomato-tomawtoe. There's nothing in butter except cream so it doesn't hurt to leave it out (until it sours then ewwww). Is Curtis trying to point out "butt" as in Bertha Big Butt eats butter? Is he saying we all have big butts 'cause we eat butter? Do we need to hurt him??

    This was such a hysterical blog and Alpha Hubby would LOVE to have his butter melted that way. We switched to butter years ago when we found out all the fake stuff (margarine, oleo, etc) was not good for you, health-wise. It was such good news to be able to switch back to butter. I can't wait to show him this blog tonight!

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  11. You ahve nice boobs, I have to say!

    We use butter AND margarine. For the butter to spread, I just leave it out on the counter in a butter holder so it spreads right on things.

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  12. I think it is a great idea! and I agree, nothing is better than REAL butter.

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  13. I have to agree, you are a genius.

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  14. Hahaha- love that hubby took a picture and made you blog about it. What does he think of all the comments that agree with you? Bahahahaha

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  15. See, I usually just run it (still wrapped, of course) under hot running water for a few seconds. That's usually enough to do it. Of course, I don't have cleavage.

    -Joshua

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  16. Sarah - Sure you can borrow 'em. Just let me untuck them from my waistband ...

    Nan - He'd better not be insinuating anything with that. I'm pretty sure he knows better!(And hi there, Alpha Hubby!)

    Amber - Thanks! They're only big because I'm breastfeeding. Once that stops, they'll shrivel to microscopic proportions. And be all floppy and stuff.

    Tracy and Jen - Muchas gracias, sistahs. (See, Curtis? She said GENIUS.)

    Julie - I swear, he's more on the lookout for blog material than I am! He's always like, "Hey, you could blog about that!" I don't know yet what he thinks of the comments - but I'm sure you'll hear from him. ;)

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  17. Yep, we leave our butter out on the tray - but maybe I should start leaving it in my boobs, so handy :)

    What's Curtis's problem, this is genius!

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  18. LOL!
    Genius. You never cease to amaze.

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  19. Joshua - Hot water, eh? That's actually a pretty good idea. IF you don't have boobs. ;)

    Beth - Cleavage is the new butter dish. Not only is it practical and accessible, it can also be used for other stuff ... like when someone gets their arm stuck in the pool table (yes, this has actually happened at my house). Just grease 'em up - problem solved!

    Jenna - Amaze is my middle name! Oh wait ... actually it's Jane. My bad.

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  20. LMBO!!!! I usually just put it in a tupperwear tub with a lid and leave it on the counter. I LUV me some BUTTER!!!

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  21. I must NEVER, NEVER let my husband see this post. Suddenly, everything in our house will require this method of warming.

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  22. Ahhhhaha! Love it! But you gotta do what you gotta do to be right. I am the same way, I hate it when hubby is sometimes right ;)

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  23. Jessie - I know! There is NOTHING better than BUTTAH. :) None of those so-called "healthier" things even come close!

    Sara - Wow, can you imagine? "Here, honey, can you warm up my coffee?" LOL

    Heather - I'm loving how you said your hubby is "sometimes" right. :) Mine is too. But I would never get him to admit that I'm right 99% of the time.

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  24. I love it! Oh, if only my butter softeners had stuck around after breastfeeding four kids... Shoving it between my knees probably wouldn't be as sexy, but soft butter would be worth it! I'm with you, nothing beats real butter!! Love your blog!

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  25. LOL, good idea! At least you didn't stick it in your waistband! I also like string cheese at room temperature, so I put it (wrapped, of course) between my boobs as well. ;o)

    (And Curtis, you're not the only one who noticed that only the "butt" was showing!LOL

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  26. Jules - My butter softeners will head faaaaar South once I finish nursing Coby. Then maybe instead of tucking the butter into my bra I can just tie my boobs around the stick. LOL!

    Mom - Do you think it's genetics, or a learned behavior? ;)

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  27. While I prefer your method, I've been softening butter in a pinch by putting it in the microwave on the lowest power setting (10%) for a minute or so.

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  28. LOL too funny!!! And OMG your boobs look bigger!

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  29. Butter is better. And yes, I have melted a stick in the microwave, trying to get it soft! OOOH, that makes me mad!!

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  30. OK, ingenious is definitely the word for this moment. I will definitely have to remember this one!

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  31. My husband is a butter snob! Not only does he like the stick, he likes the butter flown first class from Ireland, probably made from cover girl cows. Anyway, the problem is in the spreading. Spreadable butter, baby. It's in the tub, but it's the real thing, usually at the top level of the butter since no one seems to love it as much as I do.

    But, I do love that idea. I'm going to use it for my baking. My family won't even bat an eye. They're used to the freak that is their mom.

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  32. I will have to try this next time I'm making cookies and too impatient to wait for the butter to soften. Ingenious!

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  33. That is totally hilarious. I got mine reduced 2 years ago (best decision of my life!), so I've always thought of them more as an annoyance than an asset. Perhaps I'll have to rethink that.

    Stopping by from SITS!

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  34. *LOL* that's hilarious. I prefer butter too but hate that it's not very spreadable. To compromise, I'd have one small container of margarine in the fridge for those need to spread moments. ;)

    happy SITS!

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  35. I agree - it is ingenious! LOL

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  36. I agree with you. Butter it better. Whatever it takes.

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