Don't Read This if You're Eating

So I'm attempting to potty train Cameron.

... Again.

Why is it that he seems so ready - taking off his diaper and saying, "Pee-pee, Mommy!" and actually peeing in the toilet every time we sit him down - but then when we actually start, it's like he has no friggin' clue what he's supposed to do. I tried Pull-Ups; he just treats them like diapers. I tried underwear; he has no qualms whatsoever about soiling them and then just chillin'. Like he's not even uncomfortable with that at all. Like, "Yeah, I shat myself ... so?"

Seeing as Colin is already naked 99% of the time anyway, I figured another little bare heinie wouldn't hurt. So I've just been letting Cameron go without a diaper and making sure to get him to the toilet before he pees wherever he happens to be. There have been accidents, of course, but I'm usually vigilant enough to catch him before he leaves a puddle or a pile.

... Usually.

So yesterday evening, we were sitting in the living room. Colin and Cam were playing, and I was holding Coby and getting sucked into the latest issue of Marie Claire. Cameron climbed up beside me in the recliner and was sort of squatted there, watching TV. This was nothing unusual.

It was also nothing unusual when he stood up and I felt something bounce off my thigh. It could have been anything: a dropped pacifier, a Lego, you name it. So I didn't pay much attention - until I heard Colin joyfully announce, "Cameron pooped!"

And there was Cameron. Squeezing absentmindedly on a piece of poo, which was caked all over his fingers and smeared on his chest and stomach, while he watched his show. Little rabbit-turds all over the floor. And the thing that had hit me in the leg when he stood up in the chair? A turd. I saw that now. It was just sitting there, perched precariously on the arm of the recliner.

I was flooded with that really bummed-out feeling that you get when you realize you have an overwhelming mess to clean up. First things first: I took him in for a bath. You don't realize how waxy and water-resistant poo really is until you're trying to remove mass quantities of it from someone's skin. Yuck.

After his bath, armed with a roll of paper towels and carpet cleaner, I went to face the offending turds.

But they were gone.

WTF? Had they suddenly become mobile and hopped away? (Hmm - that would explain the mysterious poop tracks.) Or had the Fecal Cleanup Fairy come to visit? Then it dawned on me: it was our very own Fecal Cleanup Fairy ...

... Andy. Licking his chops and looking expectantly at me like, "Well, you gonna give me some more little nuggets of deliciousness?"

As if his breath wasn't heinous enough in the first place ...


  1. Oh no oh no oh nooooooo.

    (and you're hilarious)

    Came by from SITS - so nice to "meet" you :)

  2. Thanks Heather, and nice to "meet" you too! :) I wish it were always fun and games - at least I can laugh about this stuff later. (And have a nice chronicle of it so that I can pull it out when my kids are teenagers and embarrass them.)

  3. Oh Rita, what is it with dogs? My dog has done the same things (while we were PT'ing) and I haven't looked at him the same way since..LOL

  4. Boys will be boys and dogs will be dogs.
    I laughed so hard I almost peed myself. I ahve so been there.

  5. Oh my gosh, this is so disgusting... but I cannot stop laughing. I'm sure our puggies would be all over the turd buffet.

  6. Okay, I'm officially queasy. We always called our dog our portable garbage disposal...fortunately we never needed that type of clean-up. Oh, and, yeah, washing poop is almost impossible. I've dealt with enough explosive diapers from my first-born to attest to that. Seriously, what DO you use to get that stuff off besides tons and tons of soap and wash cloths that then become hazardous waste and your fingernails that get caked with the stuff and then smell for a day even though you've disinfected yourself with rubbing alcohol and scrub brushes? Hmmmm... now THAT would be a great product for moms--Poo-Be-Gone!

  7. OMG Reet! We were thinking about getting a dog for Christmas but I'm not sure now. The boys are both potty trained (9 and 4) so that wouldn't be a problem, but I couldn't imagine what else it would get into!

  8. They don't call them vacuum cleaners for nuttin' LOL

  9. Heh. To be honest? I'd be GLAD that I didn't have to clean up another mess! I'd give that dog a bone!

  10. And people thought my post today, which is about poop, is gross. This one totally takes the cake. Gross!

  11. I've seen dogs that eat their own poop, which is already like the epitome of barfworthiness. But eating someone else's is even worse.


    I was literally LOL @ "turd buffet." Now those are two words you just don't hear combined often enough. And yes - I'm totally on board with the dog being the portable garbage disposal, and yes, I secretly WAS glad when I didn't have that mess to take care of ... because I don't have any Poo-Be-Gone! ;)

  12. My dog hasn't yet ate human poop. However, he does eat cat poop and I have caught him twice drinking the pee out of Cooper's potty chair. Yes, sometimes I am lazy and don't empty it soon enough. =)

  13. Laversa - Andy eats cat poop too! Sometimes he'll totally ignore it but then sometimes he acts like it's the biggest.Treat.EVER.


  14. Eeeeewwwwww! No matter what the child-rearing books say, potty training just isn't fun. And don't let Andy lick you for a while! LOL When we lived on the farm, our old black lab Spike would play frisbee with frozen cow piles!

  15. I tried commenting last night via blackberry but since the box is embedded, it wouldn't let me.
    That comment was way better than this one.

  16. funny...and revolting! And thank you for the warning at the top.

  17. Ewwwww! Gag me! Bleh. Ack! Yuck! AND the horrible thing is, I was WARNED! You did warn us! I only have myself to blame that I can't help reading your postings! It's like it is OK if it happens to you but reading about it puts it in a whole new grody realm!! Yet... yet... why am I laughing???

  18. Oh my gosh! GROSS! I can't believe the dog ate it! But then again- that means you weren't clean it so yea!

  19. I'm laughing so hard and crying, this was so funny! Thank God I'm alone. Anyone watching me right now would think I'm crazy. I love this post and I will now be following your blog. :)



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