Tissues: a Tutorial

Dear Little Boys with Snotty Noses,

Let me give you a little tutorial, mmkay? This is a box of tissues:


And this? Is Mommy (in case you need further clarification, I'm the one on the right):


Mommy = long brown hair, black-rimmed glasses (now with one earpiece, wanna make something of it?), comfy pants, no makeup

Mommy ≠ box of tissues

You see, my darlings, as much as I adore your hugs/kisses/running face plants into my backside, I would prefer that you refrain from doing said activities when your noses are leaking like faucets.

Yes, I am still wearing my pajama pants. And yes, they are crusted with your breakfast and the baby's spit-up and Lord-only-knows what else (what have I been into that's yellow?). But that does not indicate an open invitation for you to wipe your snotty schnoz along the length of my thigh. I love our encounters, kids, but not so much when one of you leaves a trail.

Love,
MOMMY

Comments

  1. Wait, wait, wait.... you mean you don't like snot all over you? I just love when Aiden rubs his sweet little I'm still a newborn so you can't be annoyed with me face into my neck and next thing I know I have crusted snot and slobber on me. Mmm... it's like mommy make-up. *scratchs at the crust*

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  2. Is it bad that this post will add to my motivation to continue taking birth control?

    I don't do snot. Not yet.

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  3. Hmmm.

    In MY experience kids + box o' tisssues = white puffy pieces of paper all over the house & an empty box.

    Since your pj's are already dirty. . . well, you decide!

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  4. Ewwwwwwww....but I feel your pain. Miss H has been coughing up a lung the past few days, all over me and all over the baby.

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  5. heavens I know what you mean. My son usually puts out his hand for me to "check THIS out MOM"

    Little shits.

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  6. Drake hasn't had a snotty nose yet, but he has had the slobber kisses - messy!

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  7. Yuck. My kids like to wipe their noses on me too. And if it's not on me, it's our furniture. It's why we don't have nice things.

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  8. we are a house full of sickies right now. my sweater is covered in snot...okay, maybe not 'covered', but there's definitley a crusty something or other on my sleeve.

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  9. Mine do it too. I think it's 'cause my jammy pants smell like a sweet mixture of syrup, and play-doh, and french fries, and booty. Perhaps yours do too?

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  10. Yes, I've had more than my share of snotty encounters and crusty clothing! And then there's the fun of trying to chase down your kid to wipe a nasty nose. Thank God for tissues! I never liked the thought of using a handkerchief and then having to wash it. UGH!

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  11. Amen! I am so tired of being a human Kleenex too.

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  12. I love the mysterious yellow on the pants, it always raises it ugly little head but it comes out ... LOL

    Oh the runny noses will they ever stop?

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  13. Ha! I am officially adding you to my blogroll ... my kind o' mama!

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  14. In addition to that...dear the babe who has to spit up - mommy puts a bib on your for a reason...my shirt sleeve, mt pants, the floor, your play mat, the comforter and the couch are not viable places for you to spit on...especially not after you've eaten solid food...yucky!!!

    ~WM

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  15. As mothers we become the tissues, toilets, and dump sites of our kids. And it doesn't get too much better as they get older, they just make bigger messes on us. A ten year olds stomach holds a lot more crap to spew, and their sinus houses a lot more snot! Yuk.

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  16. I have 3 boys - they are all grown now, but I remember those moments all to well. Is this just a boy thing????

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  17. I have never had to handle as much snot as I have since I became a Mom. I too am not a box of kleenex. LOL.

    Will you link your email to your blogger profile? I wanted to respond to your comment yesterday and get 'no reply at blogger' as your email. Boo! :)

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