It's the (Bum)Pits

Hello, my name is Rita and I'm hairstyle-challenged.

I can manage a ponytail (with a bunch of crazy flyaways). Oh, and a (crooked) bun. And I can flat-iron it straight, but only because if I don't, people mistake me for Roseanne Rosannadanna.

Anything else, fuhgeddaboutit. I see all these chicks with cute hairdos that I'd love to replicate, but asking me to achieve those looks with my own hair is like asking me to grow my own penis: pretty much impossible.

In my defense, it's hard to manage a 'fro hair like mine. It's thick and super-frizzy with a stubborn natural wave - not exactly shampoo commercial-quality tresses I'm working with here, y'all. So in the ongoing interest of - say it with me - fighting off frumpy, I decided to enlist some hairstyle help ... as-seen-on-TV-style.

Let me just tell you, I'm a sucker for pretty much any infomercial. So a long time ago when I saw a hairstyling tool called Bumpits on my TV, I knew I had to get me some. (I'm also, like, theeeee last person to jump on a trend ... which explains why I'm just now getting around to it.) Hoping to get that cute little "it-girl" bump all up in mah hurr (which is probably so yesterday by now), I bought myself the goods:


I should have known better than to buy something that sounds like an affliction best cured by deodorant. But damn it, I want cute hair. And it looks so simple: you stick one of these little plastic crescents in your hair, comb some over the top, and voila. I even know people who have Bumpits and look adorable with 'em in, just like in the ads (Betsy Givens, I'm talking to you).

But me? Not one of those people. There must be something wrong with my head ... like, it must be a weird shape or some such nonsense. Because when I put a Bumpit in, my hair doesn't look volumized - my head looks tall, like I'm just trying to comb some hair over my deformed dome. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong! I followed the directions. It really is easy. But on me, instead of cute, the end result is just kind of weird. Think Flo from the Progressive insurance commercials:

Yeeeeeah. Not exactly what I was going for.

But I suppose even a comparison to Flo is not as bad as what my own husband compared me to when he first saw me sporting a Bumpit.

"What do you think?" I asked tentatively, modeling my new 'do.

He hesitated, scrutinizing me before saying, "Um, it reminds me of a silverback gorilla."

WTF?


Silverback gorilla, huh? Guess it's back to rockin' the ponytail.

Comments

  1. hahaahahah! also. i have bumpits. but only because i bought an awesome phone at a garage sale and i asked the lady to throw them in.

    i have not tried them yet. but hey. the gorilla look might be an improvement on me.

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  2. Hehehe...My brother recently dated a new gal for awhile and I'd yet to meet her. Asked for the 411 from my other bro and he goes, "She's kinda like Flo from the Progressive commercials. In looks and personality." They're no longer dating, lol.

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  3. LOL!

    Note to self, bumpits are not good.

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  4. Bump it?? REally? Besides, I hear crooked buns are thie thing ;-)

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  5. Hmmm...the bumpit. Honestly, I think everyone looks like a silverback gorilla in then. It's just odd to have your hair that far off your head. Don't worry about it, you're better off without them.

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  6. none of those darn informercials stuff work for me either!

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  7. The hair goes right along with the cutsy little leggin's and t's that some gals can wear...I put it on and GACK! I see gals with shorter hair than mine all pulled back lookin' fine...mine looks like I'm tryin' to pull back too short hair! What is wrong with us, Rita?!!

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  8. Hysterical. All my girls have bumpits and they do amazing things with them. I think it's part of teenage genetic code, the ability to make your hair look great at all times with any sort of gizmo.

    And thanks for the comment. I was getting kind of frustrated because no one was understanding what I was trying to say. You hit the nail on the head. Thanks for getting me. And I will be commenting regularly...just only on my favorite blogs.

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  9. My hair is too thin for the bumpits. I like easy. And this reminds me that I really, really want a haircut.

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  10. Hey, have you considered getting a Keratin treatment? My cousin and aunt both had the treatment done to their unruly hair here in the KC Metro area and they LOVE LOVE LOVE it. I guess when it first came out, several women were losing their hair, but a less harsh treatment is now out there and that is the one to get. I read this article on it at Newsweek and thought of you and your post! :) http://www.newsweek.com/id/216830

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  11. hehe I've never tried Bumpits, but I've done the EZ Combs or whatever they're called. It's a bit tricky and if you do it wrong it makes your hair look funny, but I love that I can put them in and it stays all day(if I want it to). Good luck getting your hair under control!

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  12. well now i know that bumpits won't work for me! i don't think they work for anyone! hahahah! but i give you an "a" for effort! :)

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  13. hee hee - I've always wondered about those things. Not that I need any help increasing the size of my giant pumpkin head, but I did wonder.

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  14. Awesome post! I've always wondered about Bumpits! I am also hairstyle-challenged and flat-iron my hair every single day. I feel your pain.

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  15. Oh, funny, that exact product is sitting in our work lounge on sale. I will avoid it. I too have frizzy hair, and I luuuuv Roseanne Rosannadanna!

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  16. Bumpits! A guy at work asked me if I was wearing one the other day. "No," I replied, "My hair does just fine in the poof department all by itself."

    Wanna know what he said? "Yeah, I noticed... how do you even fit your hat over that?"

    Nice.

    I'm pretty sure my hair is just a short version of yours with none of the frizz but all of the out-of-controlness.

    So I think my point was don't cut it short... it makes it worse. LOL :)

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  17. LOL nice pic! I haven't bought the bumpit yet - I use a barrette - next time we're hanging out I will SO show you how I do mine - it works amazingly!

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  18. Back in the '60's, we used to back-comb (we called it ratting) our hair to get it to do that. It worked for me, but my hair tended to break off where it was ratted if I wasn't very careful. And of course, it was still frizzy (thank-you-very-much to my Irish grandma Nora). I think I'll just let the Bumpit phase pass me by!

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  19. I confess I thought the bumpits might be my solution to flat very straight hair. I haven't tried them though because I don't think I could stand the teasing from my hubby and family. Yours was brutal - a gorilla?? That's bad. yeah, just stick with the pony. Or, you could always get those fake hair ponytails that you just clip on. I had those once and they were pretty fun. just make sure they match your haircolor pretty good.

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  20. It's not outside but what's inside that counts and other crap like that. Yea, it's all about the hair. I have good hair but still wear a pony everyday. Who has time for cute hair?!?!?

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  21. Visiting from SITS and you are HIGH-larious!! I'm actually going for the Rosanna Rosannadanna m'self but that's more about giving in to the fro than anything. Sometimes ya just have to work with what ya got!

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  22. A silver-backed gorilla? Now that's just not nice!

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