The Phantom Pooper

Poop: it's an all-too-frequent occurrence in our house. I'm all for regularity, but when I'm in charge of tidying up after others' regular bowels - namely those of Cameron, our dog Andy, and our cats Thurman and Ava - I wish somebody would get constipated once in a while. Seriously. Because the amount of turds I wipe, scoop, or pick up (not to mention smell, ugh) on a daily basis would probably qualify for some sort of record. I don't even want to think about how much baby Coby will contribute once he gets here. I'll have to start wearing head-to-toe rubber protective gear.

Anyway, Cameron took his regular run-of-the-mill morning dump at about 10 AM. Nothing special, nothing squishing wetly out of the diaper, no abnormally huge messes. Fast-forward to about an hour later, and I keep smelling poop - yet his diaper is still clean, and there's no sign of poo anywhere on him. But there's that unmistakable smell hanging in the air: faint enough so that I can't exactly tell where it's coming from, yet strong enough to be noticeable.

That's when I came across the weird spots. They began inexplicably in the middle of the hallway. Brown smudges, perfectly round, about five or six of them in a series of uniformly-sized-and-shaped dots spaced evenly apart. Describing it to Curtis, I said, "Picture if a Weeble hopped through a pile of poo and then across the carpet." For those of you unfamiliar with Weebles, here's a picture:

(I don't know why I thought of Weebles hopping through poo, it's just the image that came to mind. So anyway, picture the prints that such a thing would make.)

The poopy Weeble-prints led just inside the door of our bedroom, then ended as mysteriously as they began. Oh yeah, and there were two smaller, equally unexplainable smudges on Curtis's freshly laundered shirts which were laid out on the bed.

There's only one fitting acronym for this phenomenon: WTF?

To recap ...

- No overt piles of poop anywhere, just weird circular "poop-stamps" on the carpet and Curtis's shirts

- All the same size, shape, and distance apart; leading from mid-hallway into our bedroom

- The kids and animals were all free of any telltale poo smears

- I know I didn't do it, and Curtis was in bed at the time (not that either of us are usually responsible if there's fecal matter on the floor, but hey, there's a first time for everything)

So yeah ... I have no idea where the poop came from. All I know is that I had the pleasure of scrubbing it out of the carpet.

Any ideas, dirty detectives?


  1. No idea! But you totally DON'T want some1 to get constipated...b/c diaper duty once things clear out is MISERABLE!

  2. I am the poop expert and it sounds just like the heel of a wee ones foot (or animal, who has mistakenly stepped in ...well..poop. How far apart were they?

    Seriously though, the weeble analysis had me smiling. Who thinks of that?

    I live in constant poop. The phrase heard most often at my house is "What's that smell?"

  3. My son swallowed one of those silver balls that come with the magnetic sets... I had to sift through his poop for the past week to make sure that he passed it. He finally gave it up today and of course, he wanted it back.

  4. Hmmm...all I can think of is sounds like my dogs dragging it in from outside. No matter how many times I tell them to watch where they step, they always end up in the poop.

  5. Ummm - NO idea but please please please remember to come back and tell us if you ever discover the answer!!!

  6. LOL, I suspect a cat. Can't think of any other reason it would appear on Curtis's clean shirts that were lying on the bed. Let us know if you find the culprit!

  7. I'm eating breakfast and reading blogs, and I'm reading about poop? WTF? lol

    just dropping by from SITS to say hi; hope you'll do the same.

  8. I like that because of this post, you have a google bar that says "Scoop da poo, llc. Serving the area of Boca Raton" HA! Very fitting. :)

  9. Poop stinks. In every meaning of the word! :-) Your poop tracks kinda scare me. I am hoping that they are just baby poop prints or something. But, I just do not know. And did I mention, EEEWWWWW on the shirts!

  10. This is hilarious and I have to admit I am liking reading everyones comments just as much as the blogs. I love it because my husband had a guy at work that would poo and not flush every morning....they called him the Phantom Logger! :)

  11. poo stamp made me spit out my dinner laughing!

  12. Maybe it really is the Weeble...??

  13. Listen, when I am doing laughing my butt (and possibly weebles) off, I'll give it some thought!

  14. Poop stamp - ha, ha, ha!

    I couldn't tell you for sure what caused those evenly spaced spots, but the cat is a good guess.

    I'm so sick of whiping poop. I can't wait until my youngest can whipe herself.

    Wishing you a poop-free day! Hey, by some miracle, it could happen :)

    I'd love to have you drop by my place: Life Makes Me Laugh

  15. OK I'm laughing so hard I'm crying...and all I can think about is a Weeble hopping around on your carpet :)


Post a Comment

Commenting makes you big and strong! Okay, maybe just strong. Okay, so it's only your fingers. But still ...

Popular Posts