"Mommy, What's a Whore?"

(Photo credit: alistercoyne)


My four-year-old asks incessant questions, and I try my best to satisfy them all. I've managed to address things like, "Does Jesus have a butt to sit on?" and "What does 'dead' mean?", and sufficiently explain why the cream cheese in the center of a cheese danish is not the same as the cream cheese in the middle of a crab rangoon. But a few months back, Colin asked me something that - no matter how hard I tried - I could not seem to come up with an answer to.

If you're familiar with the classic nursery rhyme "Little Boy Blue," you'll know that it says, "Little Boy Blue/come blow your horn/the sheep's in the meadow/the cow's in the corn ..." My mom used to sing it to me when I was little; I don't know if she made up the tune or heard it somewhere, but consequently, I sing it to my kids all the time.

The problem? Colin thinks it's, "Come blow your whore."

When we get to that part, Colin always bellows that line ... like the neighbors need to hear it. But once after singing it, he stopped abruptly and said, "Mommy, what does 'whore' mean?"

"It's horn," I told him, carefully enunciating, as I have done at least a thousand freaking times before.

An impatient look. "Yes, but what does 'whore' mean?"

And therein, as my brain began to search frantically for a suitable answer, my dilemma started.

I make it a point to always explain things to Colin as thoroughly as I can. I don't believe in giving him vague answers that don't answer anything, or saying "You'll find out when you're older." He's asking because he wants to know, darn it - and how frustrating it would be to always receive a glossed-over, dumbed-down version of the truth! He is insatiably curious and loves to learn, and so when he asks me a question about something, we usually look it up on the internet. I think I've passed my love of research on down to him, and usually - usually - this is a great thing. We've looked up volcanoes, vermouth, and Venus fly traps, the urinary and circulatory systems, and how harmonicas work - and those are only the ones I can remember right now; we look up so many crazy things. But whores? I didn't know what to say.

When I was a freshman in high school and babysitting two little girls, and one of them asked me what a condom was, I was relieved to be able to say, "You can ask your mom when she gets home." But now, I am the mom. And as much as I believe there's a kid-friendly, age-appropriate explanation for damn near everything, I just don't think there's a workable way to define "whore" for a child that age. Of course, my obvious hesitance to answer made it an even bigger deal, so he pressed on.

I called my mom for advice. "Colin is wanting to know what a W-H-O-R-E is," I stage-whispered into the phone.

"Tell him it's a word for a lady who isn't very nice," she suggested.

It was so simple - the perfect answer - until I envisioned him getting mad and saying it to someone based on that definition. Especially to someone like ... my mother-in-law: i.e., "Nana, you're a whore!" Which, inevitably, would happen. Because there's some unwritten law dictating that children must say the most embarrassing things at the most inopportune times. (To the most un-receptive of people; my mother-in-law would probably attempt to have him exorcised for that.)

Despite my mom's wisdom, I hung up feeling no more sure of my answer. Luckily, the crisis had been at least temporarily averted; while I was on the phone, Colin had lost interest and moved on to the next big thing.

Anyway, if someone's got a good way of explaining a whore to a small child, please feel free to chime in with your best advice. Otherwise I guess I'll just resort to picking up the phone every time I need to skirt an issue, since it seemed to work the first time. Watch out - it may be you I call!

Comments

  1. my comment just went away. did you get it?

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  2. LOL! I hadn't considered the fact that he might use that word in a sentence, but of course he would!
    Then I got to thinking about the term "whoreing yourself out," and how it can be used in the context of selling yourself short or compromising your integrity. Maybe that's a better stance than the sexual approach. Either way, it's a difficult concept for a 4-yr-old....even Colin!

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  3. Nope, Shelly, didn't get it. Sorry! :( Don't you hate it when that happens?!

    Mom ... I think I'm just going to pray that he never asks again. Or at least not until he's old enough to learn what a whore is from the TV, like everyone else. ;)

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  4. Your mom reads your blog?! I love that. I always pester my mom to read ours, but alas, she is still learning how to e-mail. :)

    Hmmm...whore...that is definitely a tough one. Perhaps what you tell dear Colin is that she is a woman with too many friends?

    :)

    -Francesca

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  5. Yes - my mom reads my blog and is, in fact, probably my most consistent commenter!

    I secretly think she reaps some enjoyment from my struggles ... you know, paybacks from my own childhood. ;)

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  6. Yikes, that's a toughie. I would probably ignore it as long as possible!

    Visiting from SITS :)

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  7. You could do what I do: Pretend you are having an die-rear (diarheea) attack and MUST GO POTTY NOW.
    Works for me. :)

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  8. Main Entry:
    1whore
    Pronunciation:
    \ˈhȯr, ˈhu̇r\
    Function:
    noun
    Etymology:
    Middle English hore, from Old English hōre; akin to Old Norse hōra whore, hōrr adulterer, Latin carus dear — more at charity
    Date:
    before 12th century
    1: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute ; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman
    2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money
    3: a venal or unscrupulous person

    I like the 3rd one!

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    Replies
    1. Everyone please notice the second one, as it is not JUST a description for females!!!! That's my feminist comment for the day. men are whores too. :P

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  9. LMAO I can picture him calling Rhonda that! Too funny - let's hope he forgets it.....but just start singing another nursery rhyme!

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  10. Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!

    lol This post is awesome, my little Toot is only 9 months old but I'm already planning on my answers to questions such as these! (I'm with you on telling them the truth!) lol

    Maybe if he asks again you could tell him that a whore is a bad name that people...uh...well maybe you could say that a whore is someone that gets paid to...uh...well...

    crap, I got nothing! When you figure this one out, please let me know so I'll be ready for Toot's version of this question! lol

    Have a great weekend!

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  11. I prefer it the way your son sings it.

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  12. My son asked me once, LOUDLY, while we were in a long line at Blockbuster, what the word 'virgin' meant. (He had just seen the movie poster for The 40 Year Old Virgin.) While all the adults in the line snickered, I quietly told him I'd tell him when we got out to the car. (I figured that would buy me time to figure out how to explain it.) Meanwhile, his little light bulb went on over his head and he said, "Nevermind, Mommy, I remember what it is now--Gramps is a virgin, right? That means he was in the military!" At which point, the whole line at Blockbusters burst into laughter.

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  13. Don't you love kids? Just found your blog today through "In the trenches of mommyhood." Your comment there made you an instant hero! Happy to see that you are a SITS too!

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  14. Love this! Can't wait for my Mads to start using real words to see what she comes up with. I'm afraid she may just pick up words of a similar vein from the crap her dad and I watch on tv.
    Keep up the the inspiring and entertaining posts!
    signed: a unhappily working away from home mom.

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  15. This had me laughing out loud! Stopping by from SITS...Merry Christmas!

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  16. LOL This is too funny. Mine ask questions that really should be simple for me, but they end up being so hard for me to explain....thanks for reminding me to not just give vague answers for the heck of it, though....that would be frustrating. Maybe I should prepare for this question too; I'm sure it will come up some day. If you figure out a good way to answer it, let us know.:) Merry Christmas! Stopping by from SITS.

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  17. omg. This is so funny. Stopping by from SITS and very glad i did!

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  18. LOL!!!! I would probably just say "mmmm, mama needs a drink. I'll be back..." Yelp, that's my parenting style :) Visiting from SITS. Great post!!

    Cheers!

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  19. Haha. I can just see Colin walking up to Nana, after he just got in trouble for something," Nana, you're a whore!" I would pay to see that one.

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  20. I've inadvertently taught friends children inappropriate words such as 'bastard', 'shit' and the eff bomb, so I'm absolutely going to be zero help on this topic!

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  21. This hits home for me, because I am a lot like you...when my daughter wants to know about something, we look it up and learn ALL about it! I have a firm rule about telling her the truth and answering her like another person when she asks a question not "like a kid" ....but since she is getting older and paying more attention when my husband and I are talking about "boring" things, I have found myself coming up with very creative words (since I volunteer with an advocacy group for sexual abuse and rape survivors) there are some things that I talk about (a lot) that I just don't want to explain to her right now. On that topic, I want her to stay a kid for as long as she can!

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  22. Happy SITS day! My five year old never stops with the questions either. But that one is a doozy! I would probably tell him that it is a person (note how PC I'm trying to be) who makes money in an a way most people think is wrong.???(scratching my head now)

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  23. Oh yeah, that could be awkward...

    I would tell my daughter that it's a not-nice-name for a lady with too many boyfriends, and that it's not okay to say it. Even if Mommy says it when she's driving. ;)

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  24. OMG!! LMBO! Good luck w/ that one. Congrats on being the featured SITS Gal today. Love your blog.

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  25. Oh girl, I am overflowing with sympathy and understanding as I read this post. I can't help but smile and think of all the inappropriate questions that my 6 year old son has tossed my way over the last few years. Boys...

    Can't say that I have a good answer for you but I could come up with one if you want to explain to my son what the real purpose of boobs are... he asked very loudly in chruch a few weeks ago as he pointed to a woman who was blessed with large ones. "Yes mom but why did God give that lady ones that big and yours are so much smaller???" Nice.

    Here's to all moms with boys who are curious about all things not age appropriate. :)

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  26. hahaahah! this was hilarious. i mean. maybe not for you. but totally for me.

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  27. I asked my dad what a prostitute was, but I was about 10 at the time... much easier to understand once you know what sex is first.

    Glad your crisis was averted!

    The lady who wrote the "gramps is a virgin" comment cracked me up!

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  28. That was funny. I'm not sure what I would have said. I guess this is what I have to look forward to someday... :-)

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  29. oh man, I could totally see my 4 y/o asking me a question like that - he's always looking to learn something new by asking questions and we too look for answers together! I think Miz Dinah above had a good suggestion! :D

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  30. Ha! Love it! Maybe just say your mom's definition but add "and something you never call anyone, especially you Nana!"

    I am so not looking forward to the days when my kids start asking these questions...I am fully aware of how it will be because I'm a first grade teacher...key age of curiousness!

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  31. LOL oh my...this would be a tough one! I liked the idea of "not a nice lady" until you pointed out that he was sure to use it in a sentence.

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  32. I always found that we as parents tend to over think that stuff and forget to bring ourselves down to their level. I would have said "it's a mean name that people call some girls" and have left it at that. Kids understand the whole bad name thing. Later on he can get the whole meaning! Hopefully MUCH later on!!

    Happy SITS Day!

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  33. Oh he is such an interesting little boy. Tell him I love David Attenborough too.

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  34. Oh wow, I don't really know what I would say to that but I like Mary at Deep South Dish's answer above.

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  35. It always blows my mind how kids pick up on the words that make us mommies uncomfortable. I fully vote for skirting the issue as long as humanly possible. My kid would totally pull the whole MIL bit, and call my MIL a whore if I told him a tame version of what a whore is. Yikes. I feel for you...but this story did make me laugh out loud, so thanks for sharing!

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  36. Hilarious! When Indy was 3 (and we were living in the States) we were coming outside of Wal-Mart and there were 3 or 4 women outside smoking (which Indy HATES) wearing clothes that were for someone 3 or 4 sizes smaller and 10 or 15 years younger. We passed them and Indy asked if I had seen those women smoking. I assured him I had, thinking he was going to go off on his usual tirade about the evils of smoking (he should really do PSA's) but instead he says in his very loud 3 year old voice "Well, I think they look like whores!" I was a)stunned b)wondering where he's hear that word and c)concerned that the whores were going to kill me. BTW, I discovered that Gigi and Papa had let him watch the "Cops-Ho! Ho! Ho! Holiday Special" the previous Christmas and that was where he heard the word whore and associated it with trashy looking women. Nice.
    BTW, Happy SITS Day!

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  37. ROFL!

    My two girls ask lots of questions but thankfully that's not one they've asked!

    Happy SITS day!

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  38. so listen... i am sure that this was awkward for you, but it was a bit hilarious for me ;)

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  39. Hehehe! That is not an easy one to answer.

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  40. Hmm, my comments didn't appear. I do believe I forgot to include the secret spam code.

    Very Funny. I love the fact that he thinks the words are 'blow your whore,' which is even more funny.

    Happy SITS day.

    LisaDay

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  41. Moms are great, aren't they? And experienced moms ROCK! lol BTW, it's a nursery rhyme and my son and I even added a tune to it and sang it CONSTANTLY when he was younger. I have it on a tape - somewhere. He's 20 now. :)

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  42. I haven't read through all the comments so I apologize if someone already suggested this, but you could use it as an opportunity to explain to him about how people make up all kinds of derogatory names to call other people, especially women. That these names are almost always hurtful. That calling people a name, even if it is appropriate, reduces them to that one characteristic, when in reality people are always much more complex than a simple name. I hope that helps. Sounds like you are raising a a great little guy!

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  43. The first thing I thought when I read your mom's answer was that if you gave him that as an answer he would definitely repeat it at the wrong time.

    I don't have a good answer as to what you should say, but I have a similar story. When we were younger my mom took us to the movies to see Look Who's Talking and the first scene of the movie is a bunch of sperm swimming towards an egg. I knew what it was because I was old enough to have learned in it health class, but my brother had no clue. Of course, he turned to my mom and asked what those things were. Her response was "fish". A few years later, while watching it again, he was like "Oh, I get it now."

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  44. a whore is a LADY WARRIOR! Come blow your whore is another way of saying CHARGE!!

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  45. I agree..he can get a simplified version and later in life he will figure it out lol.

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  46. Hello from SITS!!

    When my oldest asked me that (though the word she used was "prostitute") I was taken aback at first but then just told her that a prostitute is a woman that sells her body for money for people to use and that in general, it wasn't in a good way. She seemed satisfied with that.

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  47. oh.. I'm ROTFLOL... oh my... Well I recenty talked with my 4 year old about where babies come from.. a week later she tells her 7 year old brother... His response "NUH UH!!! they come out of her belly button!".... Lord help me... and BTW he was IN the same room as me and said 4 year old when we talked about babies being born... sighhh...

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  48. Well whatever you end of telling him, you should definitely tell him not to use the word in public...which will just make him want to use the word in public.

    Happy SITS Day!

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  49. Oh my how funny. I remember when my sons asked me what a hooker was because of a Randy Travis song. Well I finally found a good definition-a woman a man pays to spend time with. They bought that one for awhile, then eventually wondered why men had to pay a woman, couldn't they just be friends. Oy! Busted!! I eventually told them the truth as they learned what sex was. I think they were about 7 and 8 when they asked me this.
    It seems that I am the one they ask the hard questions to and not my husband.

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  50. Hilarious! I would have been speechless myself...I am speechless just reading it!

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  51. Oh yes, that's a dilemma for sure! Once my daughter asked me if something opened up for a baby to come out of the mommmy's tummy! She was about 3 at the time! EEEEEK!

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  52. The early morning laughs continue. Ha. Thanks!
    Virginia

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  53. Four year olds have a way of doing this. Keeps it entertaining! I think at 4 I would keep it very general, something like 'just not a nice word so don't say it'. When he is older you can explain in more detail.

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  54. That's a tough one! I always try to answer my kids honestly...but I'm not sure what to say about that!!

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  55. Stopping by on your SITS day, this post had me rolling as well as som of the commentss before me. I have two boys myself and so far they have never asked a question like that. I've gotten the "where do babies come from" but nothing like what your son asked.

    As for what I would tell my boys if they asked that question, I guess I would explain it as a word that some people use to call girls and hurt there feelings. That it isn't a nice not at all and one we don't use in our house.

    This is definitely a hard one.

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  56. I am not laughing. No. I am guffawing, slapping my knee, crying, laughing. Oh. My. Good. Guacamole. That was the funniest thing I have ever read! Guuurl, I'm so very glad it's your SITS day. I have found myself a treasure!

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  57. LOL. My son asked last Easter how they put Jesus on the Cross. And he wanted serious MECHANICS. For me that's worse than any question bordering on S-E-X!

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  58. I have to answer a lot of tough questions myself as I am the mom to one very curious 5-year-old girl. I was really proud of explaining the difference between c-section and vaginal delivery by using a cartoon uterus picture I found on the Internet. I pointed and didn't have to use all of the anatomical names. It was much more comfortable for me and seems to have satisfied the question, "why are babies bloody when they come out?"

    I think it would be best with your issue to point out (as other commenters have) that it's a negative term used to refer to women. It's sticky because you get into longer conversations than you wanted if you try to explain the type of profession a whore engages in - even if you don't go into specifics. I learned that from explaining cremation.

    I've had to point out to my daughter that not all words are nice words that we can say to people. This came up when she was making words rhyme with "duck".

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  59. Happy SITS day!!!! This is too funny... love bein' a mom!

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  60. Yikes, I don't have kids, but why did he ask what a "whore" was in the first place since the song is "horn", I guess I would've told him at that point there is no such word as "whore" and left it at that.

    On another note I am sitting here thinking it is Friday and my hubby just enlightened me that it is Thursday, duh!

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  61. I just learned this yesterday in my dutch class!
    Hoer - means whore
    But Huur (pronounced the exact same way) means rent.

    So just tell him it's Dutch for how you pay for the house...although that could also cause some confusion when he decided to say mommy's pays for the house with a whore...

    HAPPY SITS DAY!!!

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  62. a whore is a person who doesn't respect themselves. or others. ;)


    good?!


    My daughter asked me one day if she was allergic to weed. WT?!??


    of course, sitting in a haystack , blowing a horn all day- coulda' been a whore.

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  63. Oh, man... I think I would have just answered with 'a prostitute' but, obviously, that just would have led to the next question. I know he's a little young for the birds and the bees but how about 'a person who gets paid to do grown-up favors for other people'?

    Related fun: My cousin once asked his father what a gigolo was. My uncle answered: a pencil salesman. This led to Tyler saying he wanted to be a gigolo when he grew up.

    And another: My friend's little girl, on the way to school, heard one of those ED commercials on the radio. "Mom, what's erectile dysfunction?" To which she replied "It's sorta like a headache." Like you, I could just envision Bethany going up to her teacher, holding her head, claiming to have erectile dysfunction.

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  64. You just never know what's going to come out of a kid's mouth! I'm glad he was distracted and hope you don't have to revisit that one.

    Happy SITS day!

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  65. Oh too funny! I don't have a good explanation but this got me laughing as hard as the explanation of jaegermeister that the dad on Modern Family gave last night. Maybe looking that up would help you? Or at least make you laugh!

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  66. I have no idea how I would have answered that question! But if you take your mom's advice just tell him it's not a word for children to use???

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  67. Wow. That is a doozy. Love it. And I think I'm in love with your little man, what a curious, clever soul!!
    My lovely girl is only 1, so I haven't gotten to those questions yet. But, like you I believe in giving as much age appropriate info as possible. But, what, oh what is the 'appropriate' level on WHORE info for a 4 year old??

    Maybe have the talk about how some words are disrespectful? And that is one of those nasty, disrespectful words that usually hurts girl's feelings? That line of discussion might get him pressing on what exactly it means, and if you haven't had any sex talk yet then, hmmmmm.

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  68. Okay, so if my daughter asked me what a whore was, I would probably say something like:

    "Its a job title for a person who's job is illegal", to which I would assume she would ask "mommy, what is illegal"? Then, I would tell her that illegal means that its against the rules. I mean, its the truth and its not so detailed AND, her attention would then more than likely focus on the word "illegal" after that.

    Also, I think I should tell you that I joined SITS about an hour ago (yeah, so what! I've been living under a rock) and you're my very first comment! YAY!

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  69. YIKES! Calling mom was a great idea, but that's exactly what MY son would do when I did something he didn't like...Mommy, You're a whore! And probably in front of a pastor or priest or something. NICE.
    Happy SITS day!!

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  70. I was so glad you didn't use the "not a nice lady" explanation because oh my gosh, there are so many situations he could use it in. And he's going to test the word like water. OMG... I'm not a parent. I can't offer advice on this, but wow... good luck!!

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  71. #1. I couldn't imagine my mom reading my blog... yikes. I love her and all but.... somethings are best left unread. ;)

    #2. I'm all for being honest but sometimes you just have to get the heck out of Dodge. ;)

    Happy Feature SITS day!

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  72. omgosh, that is hilarious! And love that picture!!! So funny!

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  73. Oh dear! I don't think I am looking forward to my son speaking if that's what he's going to ask about! lol

    Good for you not dumbing down your answers though!

    Happy SITS Day!

    Cheers :-)
    - CoconutPalmDesigns

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  74. LOL! Some questions are really hard, huh? I would probably tell my son that it's not a nice word, and leave it at that. If you go along the lines of telling him it's a woman who sells her body, you'll just get even more questions that you're unlikely to want to answer yet.

    Oh, and happy SITS day!

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  75. Children ask the hardest questions.

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  76. wow! hahaha! Kids are sooo curious and they are sponges. I would have had to scoop my jaw off the ground.

    Stopping by from SITS. Happy SITS day!

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  77. how about turn the question back onto him?
    "What do you think it means?"

    Then go from there.

    I also like the "dash for the potty" answer.

    or just a simple "You know, I don't know!" might work...

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  78. Happy Feature SITS day...
    This is hilarious... I do not envy trying to answer this question.

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  79. Hilarious post and that picture is so wrong! Your son sounds like mine, a right smart-ass.

    I would first explain to my son that whore is not a nice word and I don't want him using it. Then I would tell him a whore is someone who sells herself to people for a time. That those people then have power over her until their time is up.

    Hopefully the mention of 'power' would get him thinking about his own 'powers' (he's all about superheroes right now) and distract from any further investigation into the prostitution industry.

    Good luck on this and Happy SITS day!

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  80. How funny! Kids do ask the the hardest questions, usually at the most embarrassing moment, like in the middle of a store. I hope he has forgotten this question, at least until he gets a bit older.

    Happy SITS Feature Day!

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  81. That's hilarious! I had to read this to my husband.

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  82. I just got sea sick scrolling to the bottom of the page to comment...lol
    I can't help you with whore, but his was a pretty stinking funny post. My 5 year old asked me today what "Butt hair" is for...seems my 11 year old son has been telling his little brothers that he just found out he had some. BOYS!

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  83. OMG - I am HOWLING. This is hilarious!

    We had something similar over Halloween b/c of a billboard that said Haunted Hoochie. And my oldest wanted to know what a hoochie was. Well, don't wanna say it's pot and don't wanna say it's a whore (b/c I now see from your problem what I problem that would be). So we had the same dilemma ourselves.

    We finally settled on a woman who acts inappropriately. She hasn't used it on anyone "inappropriately" yet. ;)

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  84. Happy SITS. That is quite a pickle. My son knows the word whore but he uses it in conjunction with his grandpa's dog (my husband can be thanked for that). Maybe you can tell him it's a job not many have and no one really wants then elaborate later when he's older. Tell him no one you know is one so the word can be dropped. Good luck.

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  85. We also pride ourselves on telling our daughter everything. BUT....we've found that she gets embarrassed about some of the answers. So, if she were to ask me "what's a whore?" I'd answer, "it's about sex, do you still want to know?" most of the time she'll say 'NO!!' and drop it.

    If she said yes....
    it's a very vulgar way to describe someone who wants money so much that they let other people be mean to them to get money. Isn't that dumb?
    Do you know what vulgar is? It's like really gross or mean and icky at the same time.

    Anyway, It isn't a very good word. We should prolly find a different word for you to use. Maybe 'dumb' or 'lame'?

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  86. LOL funny! YOu're right, he probably would end up calling someone whore when he is just upset with them. That's a tough one! And, LOVE the pic you have at the top.

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  87. I suppose you could say it's a person who gives "cuddles" and "kisses" as a job in exchange for money.... But then he might go around saying he wants to be one when he grows up :P Whatever you do I think it's important not to explain it only as a "woman who does such and such" cause that's very sexist.... make sure it's clear that men can be whores too.... omg good luck. I hope he'll just forget for a while. Maybe don't sing that song for a year or two!

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