Mommy Needs a Nap

Okay, where were you guys with all the common sense about, oh, nine months ago? Why weren't you beating down my door with condoms in hand and mailing me coupons for birth control pills and sticking IUD pamphlets under my windshield wipers? "No, Rita!" you should have screamed. "You've just lost ninety pounds from your last pregnancy! Enjoy being a relatively normal weight for a few months!" And if that didn't work, you should have said, "You'll have two kids in diapers! TWO KIDS IN DIAPERS, Rita! Just think of the volume of poop!"

Or there's always, "Stretchmarks, Rita! You can get stretchmarks on top of stretchmarks!"

If you couldn't tell, I'm getting a little case of cold feet when it comes to becoming a mother of three. Because you know what? Three kids, while certainly not a reality-show-worthy amount like the Gosselin or Duggar broods, is still a whole hell of a lot of children. (Well, to me it is anyway ... especially when they're all 4 and under.) Obviously I don't regret our third little man - I'm already madly in love with him and can't wait to meet him next month - but I'm starting to get scared.

It's all because I had a sleepless night last night. And I realized how much I have taken my sleep for granted lately. And I realized how, in just one short month, sleepless nights will be the norm.

Since Curtis's schedule changed a few days ago, I've had a horrible case of insomnia. He gets off at 2 AM, and I've been awake to meet him a couple times. Even going to bed "early" has been 12:30 or 1 AM for me lately ... which sucks because, as you guys know, I have children who insist on rising with the sun. Whether I'm exhausted or not.

Here's last night's schedule:

1:45 - I finally go to bed.

2:15 - I wake up when Curtis gets home, say hi to him, and go pee.

3:00 - Colin wakes up calling for his "stinky stinky ball." (Some kids sleep with teddy bears, mine sleeps with disgusting tire-shop-scented racquetballs. Go figure.) I locate it for him, then figure I'd better pee again before I go back to bed.

3:20 - Have just dozed off again when Colin yells, "I need to pee!" (.... Uh, son? You're four years old. You've been potty trained for two years now. You have your own bathroom. No need to announce it; just go.) Why does he ask my permission to go pee in the middle of the night - as if he ever asks for permission for anything else - ever??

4:30 - The baby has decided that my bladder makes a comfy pillow, and now I have to pee. Again. Damn it.

5:00 - Cameron wakes up screaming for "Milk milk miiiiiiiilllk!" It takes me forever to locate a sippy cup, by which time he has screamed himself into a babbling wakefulness.

5:45 - After nearly an hour of soothing and "shh"-ing, Cameron falls back to sleep, and so do I.

6:15 - Colin bursts in shouting, "Good morning! It's wake-up time!" He seems so refreshed. I want to smack him. I manage to hold him off in five- or ten-minute intervals by suggesting things he can do (quietly, by himself), but like some sort of fungus, he just keeps coming back - and soon starts requesting breakfast. (What do I look like, his mother or something?)

Needless to say, I was tired when I got out of bed this morning - so much that I actually felt hung over. Ick. I realized that pretty soon, I'll most likely be feeling this way on a regular basis. How on earth will I function?

(I mean, not that I'm so high-functioning normally, but ... you know.)

Start stockpiling those condoms and birth control leaflets now, everyone. I'm probably gonna need 'em later.


  1. lol! that sounds like a night a my household too, but i loved that phrase 'keeps coming back like some sort of fungus'. I've been stock piling condoms myself so i will keep some aside for you xx

  2. lol I know what you mean about sleeping late and still have tog et up at sunrise! sigh. I got cold feet already and I only got 1 6 month old.... I always wanted a big family of 3 or 4 but now it seems one is more than enough.... I hope I get over it coz Id like to give a bro or sis to my man. Dont worry though you'll find a new schedule that fits you and you'll be fine :)

  3. I find I get more sleep once the baby arrives than I do in the last couple of weeks of pregnancy. I hope it will work out that way for you too. Well, we can hope, can't we?!

  4. I have good news for you! It does get better, in a warped kind of way. Of course, my one and only (sorry) is 26 but he lives in his own home, finds his own food, is still potty trained, and loves to sleep in now. On the other hand, he is still like that fungus 'cause he still bursts into the house (a lot) and super cheerful but instead of screaming, "milk, milk, milk" he is more like, "Can I have this last bottle of your cold Fiji water?" Hmmm, I'm sorry. I was wrong. Things don't change.

  5. I don't have the same sort of problem (cause I'm a terrible witch who locks her kids doors so they have no choice but to play quietly when they wake up, mwahahaha), but I do remember the terror at the end of my third pregnancy about suddenly increasing my workload. And how tired I was getting up to feed the baby every two hours at night and then having to get up with the other kids in the morning. but it got better - I promise!

  6. I HAVE THAT SAME EXACT POTTY PROBLEM WITH LORELLI!!!!! She comes into my room to tap me and tell me that she needs to go peepee. As if she needs permission. As if I have to give her the ok. Then she will go to the bathroom, wash her hands, and come back and tell me that she washed her hands and flushed the toilet. Then and only then (after another kiss goodnight) she will go get back in bed. I just thank the Lord that I do not have to get up anymore.

    I guess I am thankful for small miracles.

  7. Wow! I only have one 7 month old and the pediatrician tells me that he will sleep through the night when he gets enough food during the day and he won't need to get up at 1am or 3am or 5am every night, but now I see she lied! I'm never gonna get decent sleep ever again! We're bring punished for something right?


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